I never go out. I spend my time writing and making sure that my girlfriend is okay. She is really heartless, I mean I think anybody would love to have a gf like me. I am so loving and caring. But, she doesn't like that. She is constantly telling me that I over love her. We hardly have sex, because she doesn't want it. I don't care anymore, I take so much shit from her. We have a fight like everyday.
I am just tired, also, she treats me like I am crap. She always says she wants to get a man and have a child. She was married before and then she divorced and had a gf for seven years. We have been dating for almost a year and a half. I am tired of trying, but I love her damn much.
I need relationship advice, advice how to make sex interesting (She doesn't like intercourse, so I never get any loving.)
I think she is going through a lesbian midlife crisis. I know she loves me, but work stresses her out and she doesn't know what she wants and I am always the issue.
Maid Named Mary
Dear MaryI think you should be worrying about a lot more than how to make sex interesting. Loving couples who respect one another and can communicate find ways to spice up their sex lives. From what you describe, this sounds like an abusive relationship. Remember abusive does not have to be physical. Constantly putting you down and criticizing you is also abusive.
My first question is, why are you still there? You say you love her. Maybe you do, despite how she treats you. But it takes more than love to make a relationship work. It takes compatibility. It takes respect. Both respect for one another and respect for yourselves. It takes a partnership where you are both working together to create a life that you want.
Why do you stay home all day and act as her maid? Is that your choice? Is she resentful that she is supporting you? Are you always waiting around for her to come home and never give her any space? Maybe she wants you to go out and get a life of your own. Although some women might say that they’d like a submissive partner who dotes on them, I believe most women really want an equal partner.
Why does she treat you this way? Why do you let her treat you this way? Stress from work is no excuse. Neither is a mid-life crisis--which she is a bit young for anyway. Maybe she does love you, but she doesn’t know how to treat you. She doesn’t know how to accept you as you are. I’m worried for you both.
I suggest you call one of these lesbian domestic violence programs immediately. And then I suggest that you start finding a way to support yourself without this woman. But first you must start to believe that you deserve better and start to understand that being treated like crap is not love. It is abuse.