by Kathy Belge
There’s an old joke. What does a lesbian bring on the second date? Answer: A U-Haul. The stereotype is that lesbians don’t date, they just move from one relationship to another. Whereas there is some truth to every stereotype, don’t be worried that just because you came out of the closet, you’re going to have a new roommate next week!
Where can I meet other lesbians?
As the bumper sticker says, “We are everywhere!” But lesbians do tend to congregate in certain places.
Lesbian and gay bars: If you’re over 21, this might be the most obvious place to try and meet someone. Some women have luck meeting partners in bars, others find the atmosphere superficial and hard to get to know someone. And alcohol can always alter your judgment. My suggestion is to go to a bar with some friends. Check the scene out and see if you feel comfortable.
How do I approach someone?
If someone catches your eye, give her a look and see if she makes eye contact. If she holds your glance, approach her. Introduce yourself and ask her name. Try not to use a corny line. Ask her to dance or play a game of pool. Buy her a drink. Ask her if she’s single and get her phone number.
What about personal ads?
Personal ads can be a great way to meet other women. You can be explicit in what you’re looking for and both of you know that it’s a date. You can place an ad on the internet and see who's single in your area. Check out Okcupid, Curve Personals, Tango Wire or Match.com for starters. See if there’s anyone from your area with an ad you’d like to respond to, or place your own. Read what other women write to get an idea of what you’d put in your ad. Try to avoid clichés, like “I like long walks on the beach.” Put something unique or funny and you’ll probably get a great response.
That sounds too forward. I’m shy. What can I do?
Just like heterosexual folks, your best bet in meeting someone is through a shared activity or common interest. What do you like to do? If you like to read, join a lesbian reading group. Volunteer at the local homeless or animal shelter. Join a women’s bike riding club. Volunteer at a gay rights organization or for a gay-supportive politician. Take a women’s or queer studies class. If you meet someone you like, you’ll have something in common to talk about.
What should I know about AIDS and safer sex?
Good question! Lesbians are at risk for HIV. Check out these resources. It’s always good to talk to your partner about risk factors before you decide to become sexual.
