I am 20 years old and have been out of the closet since I was 13. I am an open lesbian in my small town. Recently my best friend since 6th grade informed me that she was attracted to me. I guess you’re thinking "no big deal,” however it is! She has been practicing a straight lifestyle her whole life with the exception of a couple drunken moments with me years ago. All of this is really catching me off guard. She is a great person and an ideal wife type. However I am torn about her sexuality because I don’t usually date girls that aren’t gay. Also I am scared of losing a best friend.
Small Town Lorna
Dear Lorna,
There was a saying made famous on The L Word, “Most women are straight, until they’re not.” How I interpret this is that most women aren’t born with knowledge of their sexuality. That’s why we have to go through the coming out process. You say your friend is straight, but could it be that she is just coming out? Or is she bisexual? She is only 20 after all. Sure, you’ve known since you were 13, but even me, the biggest lesbian on the planet, didn’t come out until I was 19. I sure am glad my first girlfriend took a chance on this “straight” girl.And by the way, those “drunken moments” may have been just that, drunken moments, or they may have been just the lubrication that your friend needed to explore her sexuality. Although it’s not something that I advocate, many women do have their first same-sex experience when they are drinking because their inhibitions are down and they find the courage to do something they wouldn’t if they were sober.
Proceed with Caution
However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t proceed without caution. She is your best friend, after all and you’re about to head into uncharted territory. How I suggest you proceed to is to tell her exactly what you just said to me.Let her know that you really like her, but you’re worried about her sexual orientation. Give her a chance to tell you how she feels. Is she claiming to be straight, with just an attraction to you? Or is she coming out as lesbian or bisexual?
Depending on she answers, will depend on how you proceed. If she clings to the straight label, then you can probably assume that she wants nothing more than a fling with you. I can say this will probably not be good for your friendship.
However, if she is questioning her sexuality and you feel like you want to explore a relationship with her, then still proceed with caution. Even if she were already out as a lesbian, getting into a relationship with your best friend can be tricky. But, as many lesbians will tell you, this is how they came out and many of them remained with that person for many years.
