- First, make sure you're certain. There's nothing worse than a wishy-washy break up. You don't want to give her false hope. That will only hurt more in the long run.
Know your intent. Do you want to stay friends? Never see her again? Be free so you can start dating someone else? You don't have to state your intent, but make sure you know what you want before you go into it. This will help especially if she gets emotional and tries to get you to change your mind.
Be kind. Your goal in a break-up should be to keep your integrity and honor hers. Before you open your mouth, imagine how you want it to go. Picture the best case scenario and try to keep that in your mind when you approach her.
Be clear. Have an idea of what you're going to say before you say it. Write some things down. Try to avoid the cliches like "It's not you, it's me," or tell her you just want to be free, if you intend on dating someone else right away.
Practice. Call up your best friend and have a run through. When you feel confident you know what you're going to say, set a time for the "talk."
Be direct. Start out by saying something like, "I want to talk to you about our relationship, because it's not really working out for me." Don't beat around the bush. Let her know that what you're doing is breaking up with her.
Don't blame. Try to talk in "I" statements. No matter how much she frustrates you or drives you crazy, keep the emphasis on yourself. Say, "I'm not happy," or "I feel it's time for me to move on from this relationship."
Be sincere. If you still love her, you can say that, but let her know that it's just your dynamic is not working or has become unhealthy.
Be clear. She should know when you leave that what has just happened is a break-up. You may have to spell it out for her. "I feel it's best if we break-up now."
No guilt. It's okay to be sad, upset, angry, relieved and uncomfortable, but please don't feel guilty. You have a right to set your own path in life and it doesn't have to include her.
- Do not break up over the phone, instant message, text message, I.M. or voice mail. Unless your entire relationship has been online, do it in person.
- Pick a private place to do it. Creating a scene in a restaurant or bar is just tacky.
- Remember, no matter how nice you are, if she has strong feelings for you, it's going to hurt. You can't protect her from her feelings. Let her have them and don't let them sway you back into something you don't want.