If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you may be abusing your partner.
Who Abuses their partner?
There is no one answer for who or why someone is abusive to their partner. But one thing is usually present: low self-esteem. Many abusers gain their sense of identity through their relationship with their partner.
When they feel they may lose their partner, they lash out with violence. The violence used by perpetrators is controlled and manipulative. It is not a matter of “losing their temper.” Most perpetrators of violence are not abusive at work or in other areas of their lives. They may been seen as a “really nice person.”
Perpetrators may be loving one minute and violent the next. They may comfort and console a partner right after a beating. They may express remorse and promise to never “do it again.” They may buy gifts and candy.
Often these promises are made only to keep the victim from leaving. Without help, the violence WILL reoccur!
What can you do if you are being violent to your partner?
Only you can stop the violence. If you want to take steps to end your abusive behavior, you need counseling. Couples counseling WILL NOT suffice. If you have been violent toward your partner, she will not feel safe enough to be open and honest in a therapy session. You each need to seek separate counseling to learn how to be in a healthy relationship. Perhaps in the future you can learn to become equal and healthy partners.
Unfortunately, there are not many programs specifically for lesbians who batter. But this is not an excuse for you to continue your behavior. Check out the resources page for programs that can help stop the abuse.
More on Lesbian and Same-Sex Violence
Are you in an abusive relationship?
What can you do if you are a LGBTQ victim of domestic violence?
Myths, Facts and stats about lesbian and same-sex domestic violence
