You’ve talked before about some health issues. Maybe you don’t want to get into that because it’s personal stuff…
Oh no it’s fine. I’m still happily and thankfully clean and sober over eight years now and that’s wonderful. But I do definitely have a pretty severe panic disorder. I am fine performing. I don’t know when it’s going to happen. I’m in therapy over it.
I’ve had two attacks in the last three years that have been disabling. One was in Chicago. I was walking down the street and got back to my hotel room and just freaked out. I had to call 911. I was hospitalized. Then they gave me steroids. I found out I can’t take steroids. I’m an addict. I’m not really supposed to take things like that anyway. I was playing at the Double Door that night and I was freaked out. I started to go into a panic again from the steroids and from the heart rate. I was throwing up backstage and then I played the show. It was a hell of a night.
And then of course the infamous cruise one, which just happened. I had to get off the cruise and there was a lot of backlash about that. It was a fan club cruise out of Miami.
I’ve never had any issues on boats before. I’ve been on lots of boats. I was supposed to perform and 120 Ferrick fans converged on Miami. I was fine the first night. When I got through dinner, the inside of my arms got hot first, which is what happens. Then I get palpitations in my throat and my head goes crazy and I can’t focus and I get dizzy. It’s just not good. We docked in Key West and I got off the boat. I walked around for a while. I did some breathing exercises. I did all the things I was taught to do. I went to the bathroom and when I got out I looked at Bryna and said, “I need to get off this boat right now.” I just couldn’t do it.
There are some fans who have been really great and accepting of it and there are other people who are threatening a civil lawsuit. It’s such a mess. It’s embarrassing. Unfortunately, it’s not something I can control. I’ve sought outside help for it. I’ve done therapy. I’ve tried different ways of fixing it through medication. It’s just a real tough one. I write about it and talk about it when I need to.
One last question, from the party gusher fan, if there was one song that would be the essence of who you are, what is it? [p]It’s usually always the song that’s the most recent. It’s the one that I’m writing now. I have two new songs that I’m playing. One is called “Stuck” the other one is called “Easy.” That’s both sides of me right now.
”Easy” goes “I’m looking for a love that’s easy,.” I’m reflecting on always looking for love that’s easy, instead of understanding that love is sometimes a lot of work. “Stuck” is what I wrote when I got off the boat, which is about fear.
