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How do You Keep the Sex Going in a Relationship?

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The Honeymoon Phase

The Honeymoon Phase

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Updated June 27, 2012
Dear Emily,

My girlfriend and I have been together for about three months and we have a lot of incredible sex all the time. I have never experienced this before and I do love her. I have heard that this will end and I really don’t want it to. Is there a way to avoid the end of this phase and keep the great sex going?

Sexy in Sausalito

Dear Sexy,

In a nutshell, we are all jealous of you. But no, you cannot avoid change. And yes, all things must come to an end. Accepting impermanence is a fine way to avoid a lot of needless suffering. But surely while you are having a great time, be sure to worry about when it will end. The more you worry, the sooner it will be over!

The great news is that when the honeymoon phase ends, you enter another great phase and then another. None are more or less exciting than the previous, just different depending on your perspective. Inevitably, you will get to know all of the things about your girlfriend that annoy and irritate you. However, you cannot keep relationships from moving forward. And why would you want to?

According to Carl Jung, in less than a month, you will be looking in a mirror, face to face with your partner and seeing all of the good. Everything you love about yourself is first and about nine months in, you will begin to see in the other what you dislike in yourself. That is when the real troubles begin! If, that is, we are unaware of the phases and their purpose.

The ebb and flow of a relationship is certain. After the Honeymoon phase ends, no need to worry, sexual desire will surface again. It just may take a bit more work!

The last phase is the death of the relationship, either by the physical death or the break-up. Rolling with the changes and going with the flow while always being grateful, respectful and aware of your partner’s good qualities that drew you to her in the beginning is a recipe for much happiness. Enjoy all the stages for growth in the relationship.

Emily Wilcox is a lesbian advice columnist and author of 100 Lesbians Walk Into a Bar.... Follow her at @100lesbians on Twitter

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