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Lesbian Sex Question: Dildo

How do I use a dildo?

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Lesbian Sex Questions Answered by Lesbian Sex Expert Felice Newman, author of The Whole Lesbian Sex Book: A Passionate Guide for All of Us

QUESTION:

Here's my sex question. It's embarrassing to ask, but I would like some pointers for using a dildo. I am a 40-something lesbian who finds herself single after a 15 year relationship. I never used sex toys because my partner was not interested. Now that I am back in the dating world, I have met someone online and we hope to meet in person in the next few months. We have talked on the phone and I know she has had a few partners in the past few years and she has hinted that she likes penetration. Can you offer some advice? I don't know where to start and I'm embarrassed to talk to her about it.

From Felice Newman, author of the Whole Lesbian Sex Book:

Answer: How to Strap-On

Are you interested in a dildo to strap-on with a harness? Any dildo with a flared base will fit into a harness which is designed to position the base of the dildo over your public bone or mons. Harnesses come in two basic flavors: jock-strap style and thong style. As you’d imagine, the thong-style harness has a strap that goes between your legs, which you may or may not like. Some women find these to be the more stable of the two styles and thus easier for a beginner to use — but of course its all individual. (You can also find a harness that straps around your thigh.)

You can surf the sites of women-owned sex toy sellers to see the variety of dildos and harnesses. I suggest Toys in Babeland and Good Vibrations for starters. Wielding a strap-on takes practice; you may feel very self-conscious the first time you look in the mirror and see a dildo bobbing between your legs. Try wearing your new strap-on around the house when you’re alone. You can even masturbate while wearing your new strap-on, with dildo in hand, push the base against your mons, thrust with your hips, and notice any sensations in your pelvis. Basically, you are developing a relationship with your nascent energetic penis.

Use plenty of water-based lube and a condom for easy clean-up. Penetrate your partner with fingers before entering her with the strap-on. All of this goes double if you’re penetrating her anally. But you said she hinted that she likes penetration: she may not even want to be penetrated with a dildo--she may be hinting that she wants to be finger-f**ked or fisted. So ask her. (Direct conversation about sexual interests may have been lacking in your previous relationship. Now you get to explore all the forms of sexual expression that interest you.)

Felice Newman

Publisher, Cleis Press

Author, The Whole Lesbian Sex Book

Got a lesbian sex question? Send it to me! lesbianlife@aboutguide.com

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