Karen Williams is a stand-up comedian and trainer. She works with groups and companies to understand the physiological benefits of laughter, to learn ways to use humor to reduce stress and to improve communication. She also teaches workshops about the ways in which humor can help our sex lives. She sat down with Lesbian Life to discuss the ways in which lesbians can use humor and laughter to have better sex.
Lesbian Life: First off, why is it important to incorporate laughter/humor into our sex lives?Karen Williams: Sex is funny which is why I can’t believe that so many people videotape themselves having sex. Most of us don’t like to see our naked bodies in the mirror and now we’re using a video camera. Go figure!
Laughter is an expression of spontaneous joy! Sex is joy so it figures that we could be laughing while we’re doing it. Humor on the other hand involves the intellect…and the culture of American humor involves put-down, which is why so many women have a problem with humor as presented by Neanderthal boys in comedy clubs. Thank goodness for the eighties feminists -- check out the book/anthology In Stitches -- who surmised that humor could be empowering rather than hurtful or self-deprecating when women use it. Humor has the potential to lighten our psychic loads and boost our self-esteem, which comes in handy when you want to enjoy sex!
How can lesbians incorporate more humor into their sex lives?First thing in the morning, as soon as you open our eyes, try laughing for thirty seconds. This simple action will boost your immune system and give you a little tingle. And once you get good at giggling first thing in the morning, you might be able to direct your tingling to your “special spot” (to quote lesbian comic Vickie Shaw), thereby making you happier, which comes in handy when you want to enjoy sex!
You can also convince your butch to put on a negligee with her strap-on. You may not have sex but you’re guaranteed to get a few good hearty laughs out of the scenario! Lol
People are often self-conscious in bed. How can humor help?Laugh together…preferably with a bed in close proximity…make sure you’re sitting on the edge of the bed together while laughing. Laughing is infectious and releases our self-consciousness, so it follows that your mate will begin to giggle and laugh along with you. You’re bonding, so it’s time to make your move. Laugh into her mouth, mildly peck the corners of her lips which will make her smile, then cover her mouth with a full lip-on-lip kisser. The rest is herstory!
Can laughter help lesbian bed death?Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha…lesbian bed death………really?............. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha….There’s no such thing, it’s a myth……... Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha…let’s make love to prove it’s not true….
A lot of times when we hear sex jokes, it’s at the expense of women. How can we change that?See above comments about the put-down culture of American humor and monitor your straight male comedy intake…there are way too many lesbian comics around today that will have you howling with laughter to put up with sexist misogynistic crap...so Google “lesbian comics” and get in the groove with the humor and feel happily empowered…get the DVDs, come see our comedy shows, and watch us on television…pretty soon, you’ll forget that the other crap even exists…
And what do we need to keep in mind when being funny in the bedroom so as not to offend our partners?Be kind! Laugh at things you both find funny like shared situations -- repeating each other’s sentences or the time you both showed up in the same outfit colors -- adorable, like dimples – unless they’re somewhere that’s not funny…in that case, shut up!
Be thoughtful! If you wouldn’t like it, she probably won’t either.
Be tasteful! Yeah, I said it. Be tasteful and tasty…then nobody gets offended…
Is it true we release the same endorphins during sex as we do with laughter? So, how are the two related?Okay Smarty Pants…so you know about endorphins…are they the same? Who cares? Use ‘em and use them quickly before you forget what you’re supposed to be doing…just keep laughing until the panties are on the floor and you’re covering her up…
Don’t talk too much! Lesbians think that talking is our version of oral sex. Don’t talk yourself out of the sex…make sure that all that laughing leads to the poonani!!!