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I think I have Penis Envy

Lesbian Wants to Penetrate her Girlfriend


Dear Lesbian Life:

I'm a 20 year old lesbian and I have a lovely girlfriend. We have a serious relationship and are crazy about each other. I am really into tribadism. We tried it and it really turned me on. Now I've come to the realization that I'd like to penetrate her.

I think I have penis envy and wish I could do her with my Clit. I really feel that my clit also gets aroused when I think about this. Am I intersexed?

I'm ashamed of my own thoughts. I really don't want to be considered as a transgender, I do feel like a woman. But at the same time I want to have sex just like a man.

Penis Fantasies

I can't stop fantasizing and I wish I could just get inside her and I have dreams that she wants me to get inside her. I do like tribadism the feel and it's so sexy. But I really feel jealous at my brother and all men.

I also like her to do me, I'm glad she finds it arousing too. But I never told her my actual feeling about it what I've been dreaming. I think I would be hugely embarrassed to tell.

Is this normal? Am I a guy when I think like this? Is it normal to want to feel her inside? I really get turned on by the thought. I just love her body, it turns me on like crazy. I can't stop worrying that I'm weird.

I'm not a sexualist, I am very serious and I go for dreams and think there is more than sex. But I can't stop thinking about my desire.

And is there any possibility that girls can do each other with clit? Or do you need to take Testosterone for this? Hope you can answer my question and will not judge me on this.
A shy weird girl

Dear Shy Girl

First of all, you are not weird. What you are feeling and thinking is actually very normal. There have been many lesbian short stories, erotica pieces and even movies about this topic. I think there are many lesbians who wonder what it would feel like to have a penis.

I don’t think from what you describe that you are intersex. Intersex describes someone who has physical attributes of both male and female. You might be confusing the term with with transgender or transsexual, a person who wants to change from the gender they were born into.

The next part of your question involves whether or not you can somehow grow your clitoris to be big enough to penetrate your partner. Although everyone’s anatomy is different, it is unlikely that you will be able to grow big enough to satisfy what you are desiring: to penetrate your partner as if you had a penis. Yes, transsexual males undergo hormone treatment and have sexual reassignment surgery, but I think most will agree that a surgically made penis does not work the way a man’s penis would.

Although you won’t feel it inside, you can try sex with a dildo and harness. This might simulate the closest way a man and a woman have sex. Since you enjoy tribadism already, sex like this might satisfy what you’re hoping for. Although you won’t be able to feel the dildo inside her body, you will be able to feel the base of it pressing against your vulva and clitoris and many women are able to orgasm this way.

Also remember that 95% of sex is in our heads. As you strap on, you can imagine that this sex appendage is really a part of you, part of your body. You and your lover can talk about it as if it is a real penis. It can give your lover just as much pleasure as a penis—in fact, maybe more, since there is no issue of premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction. And the two of you can pick out the exact size you want and even change the size from day to day as your desires change.

Another thing that might satisfy you is to penetrate your partner with your fingers or hand. It’s not the same as having a penis, but, unlike a dildo, you will be able to feel inside your partner’s body. You’ll be able to feel the lubrication of her vagina, the changes her body goes through as she gets aroused and contractions when she has an orgasm.

If none of these help you, then perhaps you would benefit from talking with a counselor about this issue and what it brings up for you. It is possible that you are facing gender identity issues and talking to someone who is knowledgeable about that can help.

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