Guidelines for Hooking Up
- Be Safe. First and foremost, if you’re hooking up with someone you don’t know, put safety first. Make sure that someone knows where you are, or if you’re in your own home or dorm room, make sure someone knows you have a guest and what’s happening. Have a friend that you can call if you need to extricate yourself from the situation. Also, make sure you have transportation or taxi fare and the phone number of a cab company in your phone, if you need to leave quickly. Practice internet dating safety. Don’t show up with a lot of money in your wallet. Save one, leave your credit cards at home.
- Safe Sex Only. It goes without saying, but I’m going to say it anyway, if you’re going to have sex with a stranger, make sure you use protection. Lesbians can and do carry sexually transmitted diseases including herpes, HPV and HIV. Have the STD talk but regardless of what she says, play it safe. It’s certainly not worth it to contract a disease that will last a lifetime for one night of fun.
- Be honest. Some people come right out and say, “This is just a hook-up. I’m interested in sex only.” That’s fine if you can be that blunt. But if you can’t be that specific, just don’t lead someone on. Don’t say you’ll call her tomorrow, if you don’t intend to. Don’t tell her you love her, that you’re falling for her or that you want to see her again, if you don’t mean it.
- Choose an appropriate partner. Don’t hook up with your best friend’s girlfriend, or anyone who is in a relationship. Don’t hook up with the girl who’s had a crush on you for years if you know it’s going to hurt her. Don’t hook up with a straight girl. The best hook-up partner is someone who is not interested in getting into a relationship at the moment and who just wants to have fun.
- Expect Feelings. Just because you were honest and told her this was just about sex, don’t be surprised if she starts acting like she has feelings for you. This is to be expected. Especially with women. She may be hurt and ashamed and not prepared for those feelings herself. Even though you can’t control how someone else is going to feel or react, you can do your best not to stir things up and make them worse by saying “We had an agreement.” The best course of action is to just say you’re sorry to have hurt her, but the feelings aren’t reciprocal. And then don’t sleep with her again.
Likewise, you may have some unexpected feelings yourself. You might have gone into this just expecting a great one-night-stand and come away a bit crushed out on your hook-up partner. If you want to change the status of your relationship to more than just hook-up buddies, go ahead and say so. Just don’t expect that the feeling will be mutual.
- Don’t brag. It’s great that you had sex last night. I’m sure you’re proud of yourself. But that doesn’t mean you need to post it on your Facebook page, tell all your friends and her friends that you got it on. Respect her privacy. As mentioned above, she may have some shame about the experience and may not want everyone to know her business. Or she may just want to keep it quiet because she’s got someone else she’s really interested in and doesn’t want her to know about it.
- Stick to your guns. Don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with. If you meet someone on an online site and agree to meet her for sex and she unexpectedly shows up with her boyfriend who “just wants to watch,” it’s perfectly fine to call the whole thing off and get out of there. Don’t let someone talk you into doing anything you’re not comfortable with, no matter what it is.
- Own Your Mistakes. Sometimes the big "oops" happens. You have sex with someone you didn't intend to when you were drunk or you made a move on your best girl's friend. Passion happens. People mess up. If you've done something you're not proud of, don't make the situation worse by making excuses or lying about it. Own up to your mistakes and admit that you were wrong. Ask for forgiveness. If you've hurt or offended someone, give them some time and space to heal.