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My Vibrator Story

by Mary Gorham Malia

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Shopping for Sex Toys

Shopping for Sex Toys

© Sean Gallup/Getty Images
Updated June 01, 2012
Do you have a vibrator story? If you don’t you should. Every lesbian worth the title of “lesbian” should know, have, use and appreciate the wisdom and wonder of vibrators.

Now maybe you haven’t discovered vibrators as yet. Or maybe you’re afraid of them or afraid of going into a “sex store” to purchase one (or two). That’s ok, like anything else you can buy them online today. They’ll be delivered by UPS in a nondescript box right to your front door.

But I’m getting ahead of myself here. First you have to shop and for me that always means seeing and touching the products. Since it’s going to be touching me, I want to get my hands on it before I buy it. I want to know how it feels, how its constructed, what it sounds like and what it feels like when its turned on and touching me.

Fortunately we have a wonderful store in the little city I live in with well-educated and considerate women who staff it called Nomia. They love answering any questions you have and will joyfully step up to show you how any sex toy works.

Recently I brought a friend of mine toy shopping for her very first time. We discovered a new toy – a pogo stick. We both looked at it and really couldn’t figure out how the heck one was supposed to put it into action. The woman who was working was happy to give us a demonstration of sorts so that we got the picture.

For your imagination, it’s similar to a pogo stick with a hook like feature to attach a dildo. You don’t stand on it and jump around but instead straddle it then up and down it goes. You get the picture right.

Neither of us decided to buy a pogo stick, but it’s become a very interesting part of our conversations lately. Talking about sex toys is a great way to add laughter and freedom to any conversation when there is a bunch of queer woman in the room. And fortunately that seems to happen often to me.

Frequenting sex toy stores started about 10 years ago for me. I began dating a woman that enjoyed vibrators and dildos. I really liked her; I really liked sex with her and thought, why not? It’s been a great addition to my sex life and I’d recommend it to anyone.

It all started with buying little silver bullets and cheap dildos. Then I moved up to a teeny tiny vibrator that attached to the tongue. We got it in Ptown. It was expensive but what a nice job it did till it fizzled and died. Since those early days, I’ve sort of settled into a few favorites.

It got old having vibrators that burned out, needed endless batteries, had wires and plugs coming out of them. So a couple of years ago, I broke down and spent some big bucks on a beautiful and expensive JimmyJane vibrator.

I like the texture of the surface. It’s waterproof, rechargeable, multi-speed and it has a variety of vibration types. Can you say “AH!!!!”

The only complaint I have is it always seems to turn on when it’s in my suitcase. I’ve been pulled out of line at the airport twice now so I’ve taken to putting it in my carry-on bag. TSA has seen it all by now so no, I’m not embarrassed to carry it. I’ll also pack my girlfriend’s toys in my bags. I’ve developed a no shame attitude about my toys. It’s a good thing.

So what about you? Are you a toy lover or toy phobic? Are you curious but afraid to go alone because you’re single? You don’t have to do it alone. You’ve got friends who’d love to take you shopping and help you explore the display shelves of toys. Touch them, pick them up and turn them on. It really will be one of the most fun shopping trips you’ve done in a long time.

I always view toy shopping as a team sport. It’s a lot more fun and relaxing that way. You’ll learn things you never would otherwise about sex toys, your friends, your girlfriend and about yourself. You’ll laugh till your face hurts. You’ll feel great and excited to get home and try out that new toy. If you’re dating, get your girlfriend to go. Make it part of a date night. If you’re single, get a friend to take you and act as your sex toy mentor to show you the ropes and help you overcome your fear of even walking into a toy store. And finally if you’re still not sure, check out Betty Dodson. She’s been teaching women how to have better sex for 30 years. She has some great free videos on vibrators and of course everything you want to know about orgasms.

And that’s the point isn’t it. You can never have enough great orgasms.

About Mary Gorham Malia: Mary Gorham Malia is a gay girl who’s passed the age of 50, survived menopause, hot flashes and night sweats, raised two children, came out later in life, divorced, grew from being a baby dyke to a lesbian with many dating experiences, has been rescued from cubicle nation and now finds the wisdom of being a bit older as the salvation she always wanted. She’s gone from being lost and late to lesbian life to being a seasoned life traveler who has a commitment to reach out to the lesbian nation and make a difference for lgbt women. You can find her at http://www.gaygirldatingcoach.com.

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