1. People & Relationships
Send to a Friend via Email

Discuss in my forum

Lesbian Sex Question: Where is my Sex Drive?

My Partner wants sex more than I do

By

A big problem in lesbian relationships is when one partner has more of a sex drive than the other. How do lesbians deal with a difference in sex drive? Here is a letter I received from a lesbian concerned about her lack of sex drive:

I am a lesbian who has been with my girlfriend for 6 years and I have some questions. When we first got together, we had sex like crazy, but lately we really don't do it all that much anymore. My girlfriend seems to want it all the time, but I don't. I can go a really long time without doing it and be perfectly satisfied with that but she gets really upset if we don't do it. Even though I may not be interested at first, once she convinces me to do it, I do eventually get in the mood, but I'm never just already in the mood and I never initiate the act myself. I guess I just want to know why I don't seem to have much sex drive anymore. I do love my girlfriend.

The other thing is that here lately, when I masturbate, I think about myself as a man having sex with a woman and I enjoy this fantasy. I honestly don't want to be a man but I enjoy the thought of having a penis and using it to have sex with a woman. What is that all about? This is something that I share with no one. It doesn't seem normal I guess.

Low Libido Lucy

Many Lesbians Experience a Problem with Different Sex Drives

All people have different levels of sex drive. This is not just a problem in lesbian relationships, but in gay male and straight relationships too. It is perfectly normal for one partner to want sex more frequently than the other.

Getting in the Mood for Sex

The good news is that once your partner convinces you to have sex, you do get in the mood. What concerns me is that your partner gets upset with you because you don't share her level of libido. All people have different libido levels and your libido can change as you age or as you get more comfortable with your partner. Is this something you can change? Well, let's see...

Fantasies are good!

You say that you have some fantasies and that you have not shared them with your partner. It seems to me that you have some fear or shame around these fantasies, and perhaps sex in general. There is nothing wrong with fantasizing about having a penis. As a matter of fact, this is a common fantasy for all women, not just lesbians. Why not give a dildo a try? This might be just the ticket to increasing your libido.

If you are not comfortable talking with your partner about your needs and desires, how can she fulfill them? This may be a big reason that you have a low sex drive. Try talking to your partner about your desires. Maybe she will open up and share her fantasies with you too.

  1. About.com
  2. People & Relationships
  3. Lesbian Life
  4. Sex, Love & Relationships
  5. Lesbian Sex
  6. Relationship Advice
  7. Lesbian Sex Question: Different Sex Drives

©2014 About.com. All rights reserved.