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Why Can't I have an Orgasm?

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Question: Why Can't I have an Orgasm?
I have been with a few woman over the years and I'm now in a new relationship and for some reason I can't seem to reach orgasm. My lover is trying but I just can't get to that stage. Why can't I have an orgasm?
Answer: There could be many reasons you're not having an orgasm. Different women have different sexual responses, so it may just be harder for you to come then for other women. Maybe you're stressed out, on on a medication that makes orgasm more difficult. Some anti-depressants are notorious for having sexual side effects. But that is not something you have to live with. If you are taking a medication with negative sexual side effects, talk to your doctor about switching drugs.

If you don't have a physical reason for not reaching orgasm, then the thing for you to focus on is not, "Why can't I come," but "How can I have an orgasm?"

Here are a few ideas for you to try:

  • Make sure you're good and turned on before you even think about having an orgasm. Try thinking of a fantasy, read some erotica or watch an erotic video to get you in the mood.
  • Experiment with different positions and techniques. Oral sex may work great for one woman, but others find penetration a sure way to orgasm.
  • Masturbate. Can you bring yourself to orgasm? If so, teach those techniques to your partner. Or better yet, masturbate with your partner as a witness.
  • Try a vibrator. Many women find that the best way for them to consistently reach orgasm is through the intense stimulation of a vibrator. Don't be afraid to bring toys into the bedroom if they increase your sexual pleasure.

Sources: The Whole Lesbian Sex Book by Felice Newman and The Survivor's Guide to Sex by Staci Haines
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