Before you have sex with someone for the first time, it's a good idea to have a conversation about sex. It can be hard to get the conversation started with a new partner, but if you're going to have sex with someone, it's important that you feel comfortable enough talking to her about sex. These tips can apply for new lovers or some one you've been with for a while.
Time Required: varies
- Pick the right time. When is the best time to talk about sex with a new partner? Ideally you will have the talk before you actually have sex. You don't need to have this conversation on the first date, but as the relationship progresses, after you've made out and it feels like you might take things to the next level, that's a good time to have the talk.
- Pick the right words. Talking about sex can be intimidating, so try not to get too heavy. Try to keep it light, but serious. Say something like, "I'm really enjoying spending time with you and making out with you. If we decide to have sex, there's a few things I want to talk about first."
- Say what you want to say. There are different things you might want to talk about before having sex with a new partner. Safer sex should be one of them. People have different needs and expectations around sex. This is good time to voice yours. Some people don't like certain body parts touched. Others want to talk about what they like and don't like in bed before they get with a new partner.
- Ask her thoughts and concerns. You've said your part. Now ask her if there's anything she wants to talk about. Maybe it's her first time with a woman and she's nervous about that. Maybe she's got a drawer full of toys and she can't wait to try them out on you.
- Repeat back what you heard. Okay, this is like communication 101, but sometimes we hear through our own filters, so it's good to repeat back to your partner what they said, so you can be sure you heard her right.
- Make a plan. Now that you've got the talking out of the way, it's time to get busy! If you decided STD testing is important, go get tested. If you've talked about having safe sex, then go get some supplies and educate yourself on some lesbian safe sex techniques.
- Drugs and alcohol can impair your judgment, so it's best to have these types of conversations when sober.
- Talking about sex isn't something that happens just one time and you're done. The key to a good sexual relationship is communication. Revisit the conversation as needed.