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Sex Tips for New Lovers

Advice for First Time Lovers


Girlfriends sitting together with Valentine candy
Eric Raptosh Photography/Blend Images/Getty Images
I am in my first same sex relationship with a woman I am totally in love with. We're both bisexual. When things first started out, I was extremely shy and would only go very slow and not make much noise. Since then, I’ve relaxed, and now the more things we do, the wilder and louder I get, and she loves me like that.

The thing is, I feel I'm not pleasing her as much as she pleases me. I can bring her to orgasm, but only from performing oral or rubbing her. I love going down on her so much, but I'm worried it'll get boring after a while, since those are the only two that work on her, she hates penetration and getting her heated up by giving attention to her breasts does not work much. Is there anything else that I can try to please my woman? I have asked her, but she is shy about telling me what to do and doesn't want to tell me.
Newly in Love

Dear New Lovers:

First of all, the only way you're going to succeed at this is if you two have good communication. Yes, talking about sex is hard. It's not something we're taught how to do. Actually, as women, we've been conditioned not to talk about it. It's a hard one to break.

So how do you talk about sex when you don't even know where to start? A great place to start is get a copy of Felice Newman's The Whole Lesbian Sex Book. In it you'll find gobs of information about orgasm, sex toys, the human sexual response, anatomy and safe sex. If you're more the visual type, The Guide to Lesbian Sex by Jude Schell is chock full of beautiful photos of different sexual positions. You can your partner can look through this together and see what sparks your interest.

It doesn't matter where you start, just that you do start talking before things do get boring. Here are a few more suggestions:

Ways to keep sex exciting

  • Bring sensuous food into the bedroom

  • Try different locations--in nature, in the kitchen, the bath.

  • Keep the romance alive with music, candles, flower pedals on the bed

  • Flirt with her all night, whisper in her ear all the things you're going to do to her later. She'll be so worked up by the time you get to the bedroom, she'll probably burst.

  • Don't just focus on the orgasm. Just as there's a lot more to softball than hitting a home run, there's a lot more to sex than coming. Spend time on her whole body. See how long you can go without orgasming.

  • Try different toys like dildos and vibrators. Sex toys can turn a dull night into something fun.

  • Don't let your insecurity get in the way. You saw how letting loose and getting loud turned her on, imagine if you take control one night and run the show.

  • Don't fall into predictable patterns. I touch you here, you touch me there, I do you, you do me gets old pretty quick. Add variety, switch things up.

  • Sex is a two-way street. It's give and take, communication and sharing. A successful sex life demands that both of you put effort in

  • Most importantly, make a commitment to having a great sex life. Be committed to learning new things, trying new things and discussing what you do and don't like. Be bold!
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