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Sexually Incompatible Couple

One Wants Penetration, The Other Does Not


I'm 25 years old lesbian. I have known my girlfriend for 14 years and we've been together for one year. I do love her and I'm pretty sure she's the right one for me...except one small worrying thing: I’m 100% tribadist and she likes penetration. She's got some fantasies about dildos but I can't even imagine myself using them.

She’s said to me, "We're not sexually compatible.” Could you give me a piece of useful advice what to do? I really don't want to lose her.
No Penetration Patty

Dear Patty,

If you were a mountains person and your girlfriend like the beach, wouldn't you go to the beach from time to time for her enjoyment? If you went to the beach for her, you would probably find something to enjoy there. The tiny sea shells, the smell of the ocean air, the seals playing in the surf, the sunset? Or maybe you would just be happy to see how much your partner enjoys the experience. Why not view your sex life the same way?

You say you do not like penetration, but have you tried it with her? Maybe it will be different with her than with other people. Maybe because she loves you and you love her, there will be a way that you can enjoy the experience. Maybe you can tolerate fingers, but not a dildo or maybe a small one.

Or does she wants you to penetrate her? Would you not try this for her? You might come to enjoy it: to see how it turns her on, how much satisfaction she gets from the experience.

I am not saying you should do something if you hate it, for the benefit of your partner, but I do wonder if there is something that could make it enjoyable for you. Lots of lube, maybe. Lots of foreplay. The thought of how much your partner will enjoy it.

If you have tried and tried and there is just no way it's going to work for you, then perhaps you find a middle ground. Oral sex, perhaps?

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