Being a good lover is more than what you do in bed, it's also about what you don't do. When making love with another woman, here are some things you can NOT do to make you a better lover.
1. Assume You Know what She Wants
There are a lot of things you can assume about your partner when you hop into bed together. You can assume you know what she wants, what turns her on and what turns her off. You can base these assumptions on what you like and don't like. That's the easy way out. Instead, ask her what she wants, pay attention to her responses, both verbal and nonverbal.
2. Remain Silent
Make noise, not only to let her know that you enjoy what she's doing, but to spice up the activity. Tell her what's she doing right, tell her what you want more of. Tell her faster, harder, slower, softer. Speak sweet nothings. Tell her how sexy she looks. What ever you do, don't be silent in bed.
3. Talk about Past Lovers
Don't compare her to your ex, even if it is to say she's better. No one wants to think of you with someone else when they're making love to you. Don't tell her Patty used to do it this way or you did it with Jane in the back row of a Dixie Chicks concert. Those may be things you eventually share with one another, but not when you're in the middle of making love. And whatever you do, don't call out a past lover's name. That goes without saying.
4. Be Selfish or Selfless
Sex is a game for two people. You should both play. Spend time pleasing her and allow her to please you back. Even if you're usually a top or a bottom, be sure to flip from time to time to keep things interesting.
5. Be Shy
Sure, you may be a bit guarded when you first end up in bed with a new lover, but the more you can let your inhibitions down, the more the both of you will get out of sex.
6. Proclaim You Love her for the First Time
Sex can be intense and passionate. You love that thing she's doing with her tongue and how she makes you feel. It can be tempting to say you love her in the heat of the moment. Those three little words will have more meaning if you wait and say them beyond the bedroom.
7. Move too Quickly
Quickies have their time and place. But don't make them a habit. Spend time with your lover, appreciating every inch of her body before you even move toward her pelvic region. Rub her feet or her shoulders, kiss her neck, caress the inside of her knee. Good lovers take their time. Well, not so much time that she falls asleep on you. Keep it passionate. Tease her until she begs you for release.
8. Do the Same Thing Over and Over
Keep sex fresh and exciting by trying new things. Introduce fantasy, role play, toys, different positions, erotica, dirty talk. Nobody wants the same thing for dinner every night, even if they do have a favorite dish. Use your imagination and mix things up from time to time.
9. Talk Too Much
Dirty talk can be sexy. But no one wants a lover who is constantly asking if "that feels okay, do you like it there, what else do you want me to do?" There can be a fine line between being attentitive and being annoying. Move forward with confidence and ask for feedback later.
10. Pressure Her to Do something She Isn't Comfortable With
Sex can be about trying new things, but don't ever force, pressure or guilt trip your partner into doing something she is uncomfortable with. She may not share your every desire and that is okay. You can still have great sex together.
