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The L Word Season Three – Episode 1- Recap

“Labia Majora”

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The L Word Season Three – Episode 1- Recap
Paul Michaud/Showtime
Reviewed by Mary Foulk

  • Guest Stars: Kate Clinton, Margot Kidder, Cynthia Stevenson, Lauren Lee Smith
    Music by ezgirl

    Flashback, 1973, a Plush Living Room in Swingin’ Palo Alto, California

    Picture women sitting in a circle. For the most part, clothed. Their legs spread apart. Arms and mirrors dangle, reflecting the great unknown—ta da!!!—their vaginas. Each expresses their shock and awe at seeing their “Labia Majora” for the first time. Marilyn mumbles about Chet, her husband, how ”he’s just so fast, so clumsy.” Yea. I’ve been there sister. She didn’t realize a woman could be happy, could be sexually fulfilled, even—gasp!—have orgasms. In distress, Marilyn excuses herself and goes to the kitchen. Teri follows, wanting to make sure she is “alright.” I have a feeling Teri makes sure lots of her friends are “alright.” I think I fell for that once. It’s a lesbian ploy, which always leads to the bathroom or kitchen floor. I think Marilyn is going to be just fine.

    “Women who long love lust. This is the way that we live…and love.”

    It’s baaaack! God help us, it’s back! Does anyone miss the boop boop techno theme of Season One? Because I sure as hell do. For me, the return of Betty is not a good sign. Oh, make it stop!

    Six Months have passed
    Is that Alice? No. Can’t be. But, yes. It is. A pathetic looking Alice at the microphone, conducting her radio program The Chart. Popping pills, she mumbles about lost love, about losing Dana. Dana who “needs to find closure with Lara.” (Lara. Huh? Haven’t we been there, done that?) Pan to Dana’s kitchen where the sous-chef is cooking. Dana and Lara are then “cooking.” What have the writers done to my Alice?

    Baby Group
    Let’s sing for Angelica! Bette and Tina have joined a baby group. My, oh my, they are stunning mommies. And baby A is adorable. When it is time to play musical instruments, Bette shows her uber self as she lunges for the triangle. The cute single dad beats her to it and Bette not so subtly blurts, “Asshole.” What happened to humble, poo sandwich eating Bette? I see the lessons of last season have stuck. Tina feels the need to apologize for Bette’s behavior by flirting with him. Can we say foreshadowing?

    She explains that Bette is feeling stressed over second parent adoption—the social worker is coming today to evaluate them. Single dad does the ignorant dance—the, “Oh, is she your baby? Is she Bette’s baby? You’re not sisters? You’re together?” Tina blushes and gushes in her tight little ass-fitting jeans and then hands the dad an invitation to Angelica’s six-month celebration. Prompting Bette to ask, “You invited him? He’s so suburban.” Which sets Tina off, “What’s wrong with the suburbs? I’m from the suburbs. Why does everyone have to be a hipster?” Our girls are bickering. More foreshadowing. (This Season’s Dramatic Conflict #1)

    Dr. David
    Evidently, Kit’s son is a doctor and is now a more prominent member of the show. Perhaps, he will be the male character previously occupied by Tim in Season One and Mark in Season Two. Kit has come to him for medical advice, concerned about her fatigue, her health in general. I think we viewers are supposed to ask, “Oh no. Is Kit sick?” (This Season’s Dramatic Conflict #2)

    Tarot Cards
    Helena is having her cards read. The cards reveal she is buying a movie studio and that romance is in her future. A bisexual brunette with a blue car will enter her life. They will stand back-to-back then face-to-face. A later scene shows Helena and Alice in yoga class. Alice is crying hysterically. Helena comforts her. Evidently they have become best friends and I’m kind of liking their dynamic as well as Helena’s sexy yoga outfit. The yoga instructor asks the class to pose, you guessed it, back-to-back and then face-to-face. Helena thinks of her reading. When class ends, they walk to Alice’s blue car, which like Alice is a mess. Bless Leisha Hailey for pulling off this serious character assassination. Helena grows further puzzled. She asks Alice about her original hair color. Alice rambles on about dirty blonde, bleached blonde. Will they end up together?

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