I am 24 years old and my girlfriend is 35 we have been together for a little over two years. All was great in the beginning but for the last year we have not had sex at all. She broke her leg over a year ago and nothing seems the same as it was before she did. I am the one who does not have sex with her nor let her with me because it’s like I am not interested anymore.
She is always riding me about not wanting her. It’s not that I do not want her, but I feel that we both have changed. I even suggest a break and she was not having that. I recently suggested an open relationship and she is mad about that as well but for me I think that it would help us because it would allow me to see if I still want to be in this relationship or if I would rather be with another person.
She asks, how could I turn off my love for her and sleep with another person or just go out with another person if I love her? I have been in only one other lesbian relationship and only been with two men in my life and I consider myself bisexual. She thinks that bisexual does not really exist or that people are really bisexual.
I feel that I am only 24 and not ever truly seen the world and experienced it. I love her, but I would also like to have sex with a man once in a while because I still am attracted some of them. I do not know what to do because I love her and do not want to break up. I am in need of some assistance.
How do I get her to see where I am coming from when I say open relationship?
Wants to Open in Up
Dear Wanting:You’re not happy in this relationship and opening it up is not going to solve that. It sounds like you need to just break up with your partner and move on to the life you want to live.
It’s time you took a good long look at yourself and ask yourself what you want. Leaving a relationship is never easy, but neither is being in an unhappy relationship. How, as a bisexual woman, can you stay with someone who thinks bisexuality "doesn't exist?"
Opening your relationship to test the waters to see if there’s something better out there is not a good idea. The reasons people open relationships is to build on a solid connection that is already there and to bring more loving partners into their lives.
Put yourself in your lover’s shoes. “You wait here honey, while I go off and see if I can find someone better than you. If I don’t, I’ll be back.” That’s not the way to build companionship and trust.
Open relationships are hard and require a lot of trust. Yes, sometimes bisexual women open relationships because they want to experience sex with both men and women, but in your case, you’re not having sex with your partner at all. And you admit you’re not attracted to her. That says a lot. You need to listen to that.
You’re not happy in this relationship. As hard as it might seem, it’s time to move on. It’s really the best thing for both of you.