My girlfriend broke up with me last week. We were together for a year and a half and I thought we had a great relationship. I feel like a part of me has died and I am extremely lost and empty. I cannot do anything without thinking about her. It's like I can't function! What can I do to move on?
Insecure in Idaho
Dear Insecure,First of all, I-da-ho! I always wanted to use that. I am truly sorry for your suffering. However, if you feel like a part of you has died then you were not in a healthy relationship to begin with. You may believe it was good because it was probably the best you have had so far. A good relationship requires that we are never dependant on the other person for our self worth.
The part of you that has so dramatically died is the empty feeling you have as a result of allowing her to be your only source of love and happiness. This is an impossible task in which we place on others. There is nobody outside yourself that can ever be responsible for your happiness.
Pain is the gift we receive when we are ready for a better life. Your job is to take advantage of that empty space by filling it with who you want to be. The worst mistake we make is avoiding pain. And the only way out of pain is through.
You know those people who make the same mistakes over and over or wonder why they keep dating the same type of people? They simply never stopped to sit with their pain in the first place. They avoid it by drinking, dating someone else or some other avoidance technique. We need to welcome the pain because there is power in it.
The Universe is always looking for the best possible result in any given situation. Apparently, your best result was not having her in your life. You don't want to be a repeat offender and choose a partner who is pre-determined to leave. The odds that you felt abandoned as a child in some way has likely contributed to the pain of rejection being so strong.
And you are not lost, you have just not remembered recently who you are.From Emily Wilcox, author of 100 Lesbians Walk into a Bar