My girlfriend and I broke up a month ago after a long relationship. It is still very painful and I miss her tremendously. My only contact with her has been me constantly looking at her Facebook page. I can't stop myself and I have to know what she is doing all the time. She recently posted a bunch of pictures with some girl and they look pretty close. It would devastate me. How do I move on with these temptations to look at her page?
Nosey in Nashville
Dear Nosey,If you can't stop yourself from looking at her page, then who can? If it were going to devastate you to know she is with someone, why would you want to look at her profile to find out? Didn't you know that curiosity killed the cat? Well, that and the farm my mom sent her to where she ate poison and died a "peaceful" death.
It's like we love to torture ourselves. We must know everything at all costs. We have this urge to know exactly what an ex is doing at all times with the secret hope that she is just as miserable. And as soon as we find out that they have a life (or a Facebook life), we freak.
You mentioned that your only contact with her is through her Facebook page. The only thing you are in contact with is your need to saturate your ego and find some relief. You probably search for proof that she is horribly miserable and when you find the opposite, you cannot possibly understand how she has moved on so quickly.
I don't care how difficult it is to stay away from her Facebook page, suffer through the temptation and go for a walk. Eventually, you will have trained your brain not to log in. And don't ever compare your insides with someone else's outsides.
Besides, you will never know what she is doing all the time by simply looking at a little web page. You will only come to your own conclusions about what you perceive her to be doing. And believe me, you are going to make sure that you create the worst possible scenario out of a simple wall post that reads, "Hi." And in your head, the next thing you know she is married with two kids, having hot sex, making cereal together in the morning and laughing about her ex-girlfriend. You get to make up the story, so choose wisely.
Emily Wilcox is a lesbian advice columnist and author of 100 Lesbians Walk Into a Bar.... Follow her at @100LesbiansBook on Twitter