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My Girlfriend Wants to Marry a Man

My Heart is Broken

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Updated January 22, 2013
Dear Lesbian Life:

I live in Nigeria. I need your help and advice. My girlfriend just told me tonight about her introduction with a guy she wants to marry soon. It really shocked me because she is someone I really love and trust. And she kept telling me she won't leave despite the fact that she will soon get married. I'm deeply hurt and sad. Please what should I do?

Signed,
Heart Broken in Nigeria

Dear Heart Broken;

I feel for you, I really do.

Why is your girlfriend getting married? Does she think it is the only safe option for her? I know that Nigeria is not very gay friendly. In fact, it’s quite homophobic. She may see marriage to a man as her only safe option.

What does her marriage to a man mean? Is it a marriage of convenience, where her husband knows she is really in love with you and is doing this to create safety for herself in her life? Or does he not know about you and your relationship? Is she planning on having an affair with you behind his back? If that is the case and he finds out, it could be even more dangerous than her not getting married at all.

She is telling you that she won’t leave you. She still wants a relationship with you in some way. It seems like this might be enough for her, but since this is breaking your heart, I know this is not enough for you.

You’ve got a tough decision to make. You should think long and hard about what you’re willing to put up with if she does marry this guy.

It may seem to you now that she is the only person that you might ever love. But if things don't work out with her, it is possible to love again. You can find a woman who is into you and you only. Who will be willing to risk everything to be with you and to be your partner.

Sadly, you cannot stop someone from what they are planning to do. All you can do is tell her how her actions make you feel. You can see how she reacts and then figure out what your next step is going to be.

Best of luck to you Broken Hearted. Heartbreak is never easy. But with time you will heal.

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