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How to Maker her Love You

Can She Help Her Friend Let Go and Fall in Love?


Best Friends

Best Friends

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Dear Lesbian Life:

I have a female friend who has been separated from her husband for some time now due to her husband's infidelity. She has two daughters living with her who are now in college.

I do not how it actually started but one day I just realized that I am beginning to have special feelings for her beyond the normal course of friendship. So I gathered my strength and began asking her leading questions in order to get the feel if she is into same sex relationship.

So the time came when we officially became a couple but it only lasted for a few months due to her and my family complications, so to speak. I am single and my mom doesn't approve of such relationships. We only see each other in private.

But I was glad that I had my first time with her. She is so awesome and wonderful. However, I seem not to be able to please her enough. So a time came when we decided to break up. But my feelings for her are too strong and I feel like I can’t live without her in my life. We see each other still whenever we have free time, and I often initiate the intimacy and bonding. I know she still has feelings for me but she is keeping her feelings and is afraid to let go. She tells me she is not ready yet to "give in" as much as I wanted to.

I would like to know what could I do to possibly make her open up to me and let go of her inhibitions and fears for us to enjoy each other.
Hopelessly In Love

Dear Hopeless:

Your situation is not unique. In fact, many women come out after realizing they are in love with a close friend. Often times, like you, both are married at the time and in unhappy relationships.

It seems the two of you have found something in each other. For you, this relationship may be everything you’ve wanted, but for your friend, it seems to not be enough.

How Can You Make her Change?

What can you do to make her change? I wish I could tell you a million things to do, but all you can do is do what is best and right for yourself. Trying to get someone else to change is a fruitless effort.

Your thoughts are that your friend is not able to be fully with you because of family perceptions, internalized homophobia, or perhaps a sense of dedication to her family. I am going to guess that it’s something else.

Since you say you have not been able to please her sexually, I am wondering if your friend really is a lesbian or bisexual. She may have been interested in finding out—bicurious. She probably has deep feelings for you as a friend, but it sounds like either she is not in love with your or that she is straight.

I’m going to suggest that you focus more on yourself right now. Coming out is kind of a big deal and you should be proud of yourself for taking such a leap. Try to move on and let your friend go and let her deal with her own issues around her divorce without the pressure to be who you want her to be.

If you can’t just let it go, take some time away from her. Develop new friendships, make some lesbian friends and maybe even go out on a few lesbian dates to explore your own sexuality.

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