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How do I throw a lesbian engagement party?


Question: How do I throw a lesbian engagement party?
My daughter is engaged to her partner, and I would like to give them a lesbian engagement party. The partner's parents and hometown friends don't know of this engagement as they would disapprove. What can I do special for these young women? Any helpful ideas?
Mother of the Bride
Answer: Dear Mother of the Bride:
In a traditional wedding, the bride's family throws the engagement party. This is often the first time the two families meet. Since a lesbian wedding is a break from tradition, feel free to break tradition in throwing an engagement party.

Lesbian Engagement Party

One of the mothers may choose to throw the engagement party or both may participate. In a case like the one above, it is obvious which mom will throw the party. But don't think you have to wait for your parents to step up to the plate. You can throw your own engagement party, or friends may throw one for you.

No Gifts
An engagement party is not a time for gift-giving. Instead it is a way to celebrate and recognize the newly-engaged couple. Depending on the personalities of the couple, you may decide to have a tea, a brunch, a barbecue, a picnic or even a rafting trip. The point is to get everyone together and have fun.

What is the point of an Engagement Party?

The point of an engagement party is for the couple to widen their circle of friends and to introduce their friends and family to each other. If your family attends, it may be the first time they are around a group of gays and lesbians. This may help them feel more comfortable for the wedding day.
Plus, everyone likes to feel supported and honored. Find out from the brides who they would like to invite to this party, but feel free to plan it on your own if they don't have suggestions for what they might like to happen. The list of people invited should only include people who will also be invited to the wedding.

As for your daughter's partner, although her parents and hometown friends are now unsupportive, people can and do change. If she is out to her family, you might want to discuss with them the possibility of inviting them. Even if they don't attend, it might be good for them to see that another mother is not only accepting of her lesbian daughter's marriage, but is very excited and celebrating the event. Of course, if she is not out to her family, this would not be appropriate.

The Toast

One big tradition at the engagement party is the toast. For gay and lesbian couples who sometimes do not have the support of their families, hearing a sweet "welcome to the family" message from their partner's family can mean the world to them.
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