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How To Write Your Own Lesbian Wedding Vows

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Weddings are steeped in tradition, but because same-sex marriage is untraditional, feel free to create a wedding that is uniquely your own. One of the beauties of being a lesbian is that we can create our own wedding ceremonies. It is also one of the challenges. Here’s how to write your won lesbian wedding vows.

What is a lesbian wedding vow?

A vow is a promise. Whether or not your wedding is recognized by the state, your vows are something you should take seriously. Your wedding vows are the commitment you make to one another. Plan to spend some time writing them.
Difficulty: Average
Time Required: A few hours to a few weeks

Here's How:

  1. Brainstorm

    Write down all the reasons you want to spend the rest of your life with your partner. They can be serious things, like you know she’ll make a great mother, or humorous things, like how she looks every morning with bed head.
  2. Bring Yourself Into It

    If you’re a smaltzy person, then by all means make your vows sugary and sentimental. If you’re a jokester, add humor. If you’re more practical, make a list. Your wedding vows should reflect your personality.
  3. Bring someone else into it

    Feel free to bring in quotes from poetry or a song that you love.
  4. Be Specific

    Say something like, "I promise to love you even though you steal the covers." Or "I knew I loved you the day you brought a cupcake to me at work."
  5. The Promise or Vow

    In a typical heterosexual wedding you hear the bride and groom say things like, "I, Martha, promise to take you Tom as my lawfully wedded husband…." What do you want to promise? To Cherish? To laugh together? To support one another’s dreams? This is where you can get really personal.
  6. To Share or Not to Share

    Some couples share their vows with one another before the actual ceremony. Others choose to wait and let them be a surprise. Some vows the minister reads and other you read to each other. Decide before your ceremony how you want it to go.
  7. Edit and Rewrite

    Most writers know that the secret to good writing is to edit and rewrite. Cut out the things that are not vital. Try to keep it under three minutes. Have a friend or family member go over your vows with you to help you figure out if you’re saying it the best way possible and if it sounds like your personality.

    Your vows can be as short as a paragraph, but shouldn’t be longer than a page. You may or may not be the kind of person who is good with words, but what you should keep in mind is to write from the heart.

  8. Practice

    Read your vows aloud before your wedding ceremony. You may or may not decide to memorize them. A word of caution, if you memorize, have a copy handy, in case you get nervous in the moment and need a refresher of what you’re saying.
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