Dear Lesbian Life,
I'm 17 years old, and I know I'm bisexual because I have interest in both girls and guys. This year is my senior year in high school, and my parents decided they wanted to move. This means I get a new high school, a new set of friends.
Now, here's my dilemma. In one of my classes, there is a girl whom I am deeply attracted to. She has ambition, she has character, she's her own person, and to me, that's the very attractive. The problem is, I can't tell her (or anyone else) because my school is extremely homophobic. I can't even join our GSA club because I'm afraid of the consequences.
What happens if I tell her and she doesn't feel the same way? I'm not even certain that she's lesbian, or at least bisexual. How can I tell if she is? How do I initiate a conversation with her about it? Or even, how do I get her to like me back?
Please help,
Afraid to Come Out
Dear Afraid
I can understand your trepidation about joining the GSA club, but I suggest you rethink your decision. In a hostile environment, it can be so easy to sit back and let others do the hard work for us. We let the flamboyant boys (think Kurt from Glee) and tomboy girls be out and proud, while we sit on the sidelines, watching them get bullied and harassed. Now more than ever, with the rash of teen suicides, this needs to change.Go to the GSA. You don't even have to come out at first. Just let them know that you are upset with the homophobic atmosphere at your school and want to get involved to help end it. Especially if your school is homophobic, what a better place to find like-minded friends?
How to Attract Someone You're Interested In
As for the girl in your class, think about this: you are attracted to her because she has ambition and character. Chances are, she’s going to be attracted to someone with the same values. Someone who stands up for what they believe in and wants to make the world (or school) a better place.
Start out getting to know her as a friend. There is no way to make someone like you. They either do or they don't. Just be yourself and see what things you have in common. Start the conversation there. If she brings something up in class that you like, tell her. People always like to be complemented.
It can take time to form a friendship. Don't rush things. Don't come out until you are ready. See if you can tell how she feels about gay and bisexual people in general. Is he part of the homophobic vibe at your school, or does she stand up against it? Maybe you can invite her to start something at your school to deal with gay bullying. If she's not willing to take a stand on something as important as this, is she someone you really want in your life?
Good luck. It's not easy to take a stand, but so very important. Like Mahatma Gandhi said "Be the change you want to see in the world."
