Hello
I am a lesbian teen and I was wondering if you give me advice about how I should come out to my parents?
I'm scared to death. I'll tell you a little bit about why. There are at least two members of my extended family who have come out. I’m shocked at my family. They crack jokes and just are ridiculous. They criticize me for standing up for them and I point out how stupid they are acting.
Lesbian Teen is Scared and Needs Advice
They are the same way when we see a gay/lesbian couple out. They give these certain looks that say, "Jeez, they had the nerve to come out and be together in public?!?!" I stand up for those people because it’s awesome that they are proud enough to come out and not be afraid. Anytime I stick up for gays, they judge me and say "Why do you care at all? Are you a queer??"
I'm scared to death that if I do come out to my family, I’ll be at the end of their jokes and nasty looks.
I am a lesbian and I've known for a while now. I feel stuck in one place and have no one to help me out.
Signed,
Lesbian Teen
Dear Lesbian Teen
Wow, your parents do sound homophobic and if they were my family, I would be afraid to come out to them too.
Although every story is unique, your story does remind me of my college roommate. Like your family, her parents were very homophobic. Whenever they would come to visit, they would make fun of me, and referred to me as “The Lez.” Of course this bothered me, but even more so my roommate. See, she was a lesbian too. She didn’t think she could ever come out to them.
It took her years, but eventually she did come out to them. They had a hard time at first, but now are very accepting and consider her partner to be part of the family.
Everyone Can Change
This story may or may not turn out the same as yours. But I want you to know there is hope for everyone to change.
Having said that, I would tell you to listen to your gut about coming out to your parents. Keep telling them their jokes and comments offend you, but do not feel you have to come out to them until you feel safe to do so.
My college roommate came out to her parents after she was done with college and in a successful career. Her parents could still hurt her emotionally, but they had no financial control over her any more.
Advice for Lesbian Teen
My advice to you, Lesbian Teen is don’t come out to your parents until you know you can do so safely. Find others places to get support, like a school gay/straight alliance or local support group for gay and lesbian teens.
When you are ready to come out to your parents, here are some tips.
