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How do I know I'm Lesbian?


Question: How do I know I'm Lesbian?
I'm 17 and I think I'm gay but I'm not sure. Sometimes I think that I am gay and I'm sure of it but sometimes I think that it might be a phase. I know for sure that girls excite me but I feel a little attraction to guys. Am I going through a phase or am I a lesbian? How would I know?
Answer: I wish there were an easy answer to the question, "Am I a lesbian?" but there is not. I think that people can be attracted to different people at different points in their lives. You admit that you are attracted to both males and females. Have you considered that you might be bisexual?

You are wondering if it is a phase. Even if it is a phase, that is no reason to discount where you are right now. You may find as you get older you are attracted to one sex more than the other. Or you may continue to be attracted to both sexes.

You will know you are a lesbian when you are ready to label yourself as one. For now, just be 17 and unsure. It's really okay.

As you continue to figure it out, here are some things to consider:

  • When you are with a girl you are attracted to, does your belly do flip-flops?
  • When you hear love songs on the radio, do you think of guys or girls?
  • Who do you fantasize about?
  • If you have the choice of spending time with a girl you like or a boy you like, which do you choose?
  • Who do you enjoy kissing more? Men or women?
  • Please don't think you have to sleep with someone to figure it out. While sex is a big part of sexual orientation, it is not the only part. Listen also with your heart and your head.

    Be easy on yourself. In time you will figure it out. Coming out is one of the hardest things a person will ever do. I encourage you to talk with supportive friends, read books with gay and lesbian characters, attend a gay youth or coming out support group.

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