I'm 15 years old and a freshman in high school. I just recently came out to myself and my close friends as a lesbian. I'm currently in the GSA club at my school and I'm finding myself very attracted to this lesbian girl in the club. She's a junior and two years older than me and I've never talked to her before. I'm very shy and new to all of this so I'm unsure on how to approach her or if I should approach her at all. Please help me!
Dear Young LesbianFirst of all, you’re really lucky that you have a GSA club at your school. Many students have had to fight for the right to have GSAs at their school.
You’re also lucky that you know the object of your crush also likes girls. At least you know you’re barking up the right tree, so to speak.
The best way to get a girl’s attention is to pay attention to her. What is it about her that you like? Do you have similar taste in music, like to read the same books or take a class together? Listen to what she talks about in group and afterward approach her and comment on something she said. “I’ve never heard of that book you were talking about. Do you think I could borrow it sometime?” “Tegan and Sara are my favorite group too! What song of yours is your favorite?” Try to think of an open-ended question to get her to engage with you.
Chances are you will be nervous. And you should be! Talking to someone you have a crush on is nerve-wracking no matter what your age or sexual orientation. The thing you need to remember is to take it slow and get to know her a bit first. Don’t just blurt out that you think she’s hot and would she like to go out with you. (And don’t do it in a note either.)
Think about the kind of things you like to do that she might want to join you in. Ask her to go skateboarding, to shoot some hoops or go see a local band. Having an activity to occupy yourselves can take some of the stress out of being with a girl who makes your heart flutter. You might want to invite her to a party or something where other people will be around to take some of the tension off. Maybe plan a movie night at your house with other friends and invite her and her friends too.
The key is to try to get to know her outside of school. Once you’ve spent a fair amount of time with her and are still sure you like her, then its time to let her know. Say something like, “I’d like to get to know you better. Would you like to have coffee sometime?” Make sure you’re ready for the pressure of a one-on-one date before you ask the question.
And be prepared for any answer. She may say yes, she may say no. Or she may leave you guessing with an evasive answer. No matter how it turns out, congratulate yourself. Asking a girl out is a lesbian rite of passage.
Not sure it the object of your affection even likes girls? Here’s some advice for that situation.