How did you come out to your parents?
I am 21 now. I was 19 when I came out. I had started seriously dating a girl and it had started coming out in the community. I didn't want my mom to find out from anyone but me. My sister was getting married and a lot of my family had figured it out. I knew that she had to know before the wedding. I figured there would never be a "good time" to tell her. I worked up the nerve the whole shopping trip for her dress. I just kept thinking, ok tell her now, tell her now. Well when we sat down for lunch, I was like ok, do it. DO IT NOW OR YOU NEVER WILL. So I told her. I told my dad face to face later.
What did you say?
I simply said, "Mom, I've been dating a girl for awhile." She was totally flabbergasted. She told me through tears, "People go to hell for that kind of stuff." (She is extremely religious catholic school teacher.) I told her that I was sure it wasn't a phase and that I wasn't trying to hurt her and she did nothing wrong. I told her I was finally being true to myself, and I wasn't going to be what anyone else wanted me to be anymore. She just kept crying and saying she couldn't talk about this anymore. I told her a lot of people knew and I felt that I had a responsibility to tell her this kind of news myself and not let her hear it from someone else. She was like, "It wouldn't matter who I heard it from, it would feel the same." I thought it would never get better. Now three years later my partner of two years and I bought a house and my mom has been helping us prepare for our move. Where my partner used to not be allowed at her house, we are both invited to Thanksgiving. My parents even started a new event we like to call "Black Sheep Christmas." It's our own little Christmas celebration a couple days before the actual day in which all family members who have no problem with my sexual orientation join us for a celebration with no big pink elephant in the room! It is really great.
Advice
- My advice would be, just come out with it. Give your parents time to adjust. Mom still won't be coming to my wedding but, my she gave my partner all of my deceased grandpa's fishing things. I wouldn't do it different, except wish I would have been more patient. I was so busy trying to get them to understand me, I wasn't doing the same for them. My parents love me, & I love them. We have just all come to the understanding that I am going to do what makes me happy, and not what makes them happy. Although, they are happy when I am happy. So,it will never be perfect, but there is respect, that's what's important.
