How did you come out to your parents?
I was hardly graceful about how I came out. And I wish I never had. It was the biggest mistake I made to tell my mother. I honestly thought that she knew and I thought she was okay with it because when I was younger she would always say she supported gay rights and she has friends who are gay. So one night, we were watching a movie which had a lesbian in it. My mother made some sort of comment that made me upset and we got into an argument about it. I then proceeded to blurt out that I was in fact a lesbian. Oops.
What did you say?
She stared at me in complete shock and sat down very quietly on the couch, telling me quite calmly "I don't want lesbians in this house." My heart was racing and I was terrified. I always knew I was a lesbian, I knew in about year six, when I was about 11 or 12. I came out to my friends when I was fourteen. It’s just a part of who I am and I have a girlfriend whom I love more than life itself. I was so sure that my mother would be okay with it. She didn't actually kick me out but whenever the subject is mentioned she'll completely recoil and won't talk. She tries to act normal but I know that she still hates it. I told my girlfriend about it and was crying to her on the phone. Her parents were very accepting of her and our relationship. This year for Christmas I had to spend it with my family, which never fails to stress me out – every time my grandmother pokes me asking "What's his name?" and is still very convinced that I'm straight. So this time it was driving me nuts and I just wanted to blurt it out to the entire family. I started treading water; feeling for conversation with my grandmother who I knew would be the most homophobic. Without realising what I was getting at she told me I would be disowned and it would devastate her. I then had to sit there while she continued her little rant. I don’t think any other members of my family would really have an issue with it – just my mother and my grandparents. I hate hiding who I am. I wish that before my grandparents die they could meet my girlfriend and “give us their blessing”. I know they’d love her as my friend but resent her as my girlfriend. I’ve always believed in expressing who I am as a person. It makes me cry that I can’t tell them.
Advice
- Be very, very careful about how you tell people and be careful who you tell first
- Pick the right time. Not in the middle of a fight. Not in the moment. Plan first.
- If you have a girlfriend who is telling you to tell your parents, only do it if you’re comfortable with it. If she really loves you, she’ll respect that you aren’t ready
