How did you come out to your parents?
It happened on two separate occasions. Once when I was 14, my mom read my journal and found entries of me talking about my first girlfriend, and how much I missed her.
She eventually convinced herself that it was just a phase, and I decided to not date women.
However... 5 years later, age 19, I decided I would break my no-women rule and go out with this girl I had liked for years. My mom found me hugging the girl, and giving her a kiss goodnight. My mom could tell that it wasn't a "We're just friends" hug. After an hour of her grilling me, I confessed
What did you say?
After reading my journal, I think she felt guilty for invading my privacy, but mostly I think she thought that it would change me somehow, send me down 'the wrong path' or something like that. She cried and cried, and asked me why, doesn't it feel morally wrong, and things like that. She asked me if I could just ignore it, and though I told her I couldn't, I eventually stopped dating women, and she assumed that it was just a phase I had gone through.
Skip ahead to 2009 when my mother sees me hugging and giving my girlfriend a kiss on the cheek. She just stood there, wide eyed and looking at me. She asked me what that was all about, because it didn't look like the way you'd say goodbye to a friend. We argued for about an hour until eventually I confessed that the girl in question was my girlfriend.
My mother had a bit a meltdown-- again. She cried some more, and had almost the same reaction she did when I was 14 and she had read my journal.
I think the one of the major things with parents is that they think, upon finding out that their child is gay, that they're somehow different now. They aren't the same daughter or son that they were yesterday, before they knew.
I told my mom that nothing has changed, I've known that I was queer since I was a child. The only thing that's different is her opinion of me.
After hours, she calmed down and told me that she still loved me. After a few days, she told me that she would work on it, and try to be ok with whatever makes me happy.
I was terrified to tell my father. He grew up on a farm in the prairies and always referred to gays and lesbians as fairies, poofters and dykes. But I was surprised to find that he didn't care. He laughed a little bit, tousled my hair and said "Sweetie, do whatever makes you happy". I think he already assumed that I was gay.
Skip ahead to 2010, and my mom is still... Kind of iffy about it, but she's starting to get to know my girlfriend. She's not quite supportive, but she's accepted it, and I think that's a lot for her, so I'm grateful.
Advice
- Try to put it in perspective. You're not actually a different person now that they know you're queer.
- Give them time to let it sink in and think about it
- They want what's best for you, and what's best for most people is to be true to yourself.
