How did you come out to your parents?
I told my dad last August, in a restaurant, at the age of 21.
I had come out to myself (realized I was bi and had been all along) last February (age 20, I know, bit slow on the uptake). It was a huge relief to finally feel I understood myself better. I told some of my close friends, who I knew would react well, but I began to want to tell more people, to start to live out my discovery a bit more.
What did you say?
I hadn't planned to tell him that night at all, but we'd both had some wine, so I was feeling less inhibited, and he really gave the most perfect lead-in line ever. We were talking about my brother, who'd been quite depressed in school but is doing a lot better now he's in university. Dad said it had crossed his mind that my brother might be gay, and then very quickly said "which of course would be Absolutely Fine, and there'd be No Problem At All with that". Well, he may have thought he was speaking hypothetically, but he'd just put himself in a position where any negative reaction to me would be utterly hypocritical. So I said "well, I'm kind of bi, you know".
What happened next was odd, I remember he said "can you see yourself..." and I filled in "with a girlfriend?" but he said "no, can you see yourself having children when you're older". I mean, I'm 21, I'm in university, and I really don't know what kinds of relationship I'm likely to have in the future. Let's just say babies don't exactly feel like my top priority. I answered as honestly as I could, and the conversation moved on. He hasn't mentioned it since, but at least he sort-of knows now.
When I think about it, I rather wish he'd asked me a question about me, rather than his putative grandchildren - I suppose he was trying to see how I thought my life might pan out (if I'll eventually end up with a man or a woman, basically), but I really have no idea. I'm still single and pretty happy with my independence, and with just being able to be honest with myself.
I haven't had a 'coming out' conversation with my mum, but I am pretty sure she knows I like girls as well as boys - I'm very bad at being subtle or hiding when I have a crush on someone, and I'm close to my mother. I guess one day very soon I'll spell it out. I'm lucky enough to be confident of her support, at least once she's used to the idea, but I do wonder what she'll ask me...
Advice
- A lot have people have mentioned talking to your family about 'gay issues' in the news or in your life (gay marriage/adoption, or just gay people you know) - this can be a really helpful way to guage their potential reaction, but sometimes people feel differently when homo/bisexuality is not an abstract moral question but something about someone in their own family. That can either be positive or negative, but it isn't always predictable
- Give yourself time to think about your own identity
- Don't assume too hard that their reaction will be negative
- Make sure you have a reliable friend to talk to after
