When did you join the military?
I joined the military 12 years ago. I was a sophomore in college and was on the verge of realizing that I was a lesbian. Raised a strict Catholic by Asian parents, I was in despair...homosexuality was taboo both religiously and culturally. The realization that I was homosexual was destroying me academically, spiritually and emotionally. I was in trouble and needed help immediately.
It came in the form of a priest who was teaching at my college. We had a deep discussion about morality, the bible and Catholicism. I was not completely satisfied, but my life was turning around. School was not, back up plan-the military.
How Did the Military Policy Affect You?
I was aware of DADT and because of it, I choose the Reserves. I look back now and think that we (the military and myself) lost out on what I could have been and what I could have contributed to the military. I speak 3 languages fairly fluently and majored in Psychology which through hard work I completed. Knowing that I was a lesbian when I entered, I had to choose carefully and actually think of my future if there was someone special in it. Twelve years have passed, one deployment completed, some of my soldiers know; but it's hush hush. I used to be paranoid being at gay bar or someone seeing me and a girlfriend hold hands. At one point, I had to take a separate exit because I spotted a Captain from my unit doing her civilian job (she was a cop doing her detail at a gay bar!)
So, I live a double life...I'm straight 1 weekend a month, 2-3 weeks a year. I pray that I don't get deployed again. I have been in a steady relationship for the past 5 years with the most understanding person I know. She is fully aware of what could happen with DADT still in effect and if ever that call comes for me again. I'm not paranoid of being spotted as much anymore. I'm just tired of it...and I'm seriously considering not completing the 20 years. My contract runs out in a year.
The whole irony in this? I work for the civilian side of the Federal Government and I live in a state where same sex unions are allowed. Some benefits have been extended to same sex couples, but my partner and I continue to live our lives as roommates because of DADT. It frustrates me even more that our friends gay and straight don't realize the sacrifices we have to face. Some of them respond with, "They still exclude gay people from the military??? In this day and age?"
Advice
- My advice for a young gay or lesbian person considering the military? The military is a sacrifice... whether you're gay or straight, active duty or reserves. There are good things and bad things. Just consider every option before heading to a recruiter's station. DADT is still in effect. Looking back, I am content with my choice. The military has taught me a lot of things good and bad. It showed me what I am capable of in the most stressful of times. Lastly, it shouldn't matter who I sleep with at night or whether I am out or in the closet...what should matter is that i serve my country, and that should be enough.
