Where I met my partner?
I met "B" online initially. We were both very much in the closet. We also were both convinced that the other must have been a nut to be trying to meet someone online (pot calling the kettle :o). She asked for my phone number and I said...why don't you give me your number. We talked and emailed for several months and then decided to meet. She was going to be moving, so I thought it would be a no risk situation. I did not want anything serious, because I was still trying to figure everything out.
How we fell in love
We decided to meet at the mall. Everything went great except that "B" brought a friend that grilled the heck out of me. She later made up for it by taking me to dinner and a movie. We were both so nervous that neither of us made a move. The next day she moved several states away to SC. We talked all the time, but we never talked about "us". So, I decided that I should started dating some other people. I began seeing a few people casually. Then, I started seeing one person ("C") a lot more regularly.
I still talked to "B" all the time. Then, she called one day to say she was going to be home for the weekend and wanted to see me. We decided to hang out and watch movies at my apt. She ended up staying the night. It was incredible, but she went back to SC the next day.
B came to see me one more time. She ended up staying the night again. I was feeling really guilty dating both of these women at the same time (even though we were not exclusive), so the next day I told her that I just wanted to make sure that she knew I was seeing other people. I could see the hurt in her eyes and thought this was the end.
I ended up in a relationship with C for a year. But, it had taken a turn for the worst and I was trying to get out. However, we had moved in with each other and that made it complicated.
Then, out of nowhere I get an IM from B. I was away from my computer at the time, so when I went to IM her back she was gone. I sent her an email and we started talking again.
She had moved back home and came to see me at work soon after. The butterflies were unbelievable. I hugged her and did not want to let go. I was not going to screw this up again. I asked her when I was going to see her again. We made plans for the following weekend. We talked everyday up until then and I let her know everything that was going on and how complicated everything was at the moment.
We met up and went to the park to talk. She jumped in my car and every time her arm brushed mine it was as though electricity shot through my body. We talked for hours and finally, I said ...I have so much on my plate right now... I don't know that I can give you what you deserve. What is it that you want from me. Her big brown eyes started to tear up and she said.."I just want to be with you".
We went away for a weekend and when we got back I got an apt. and moved out. Six years later and I spend everyday showing her how much I love her. I am so thankful she gave me a second chance.
Advice
- If you are in the wrong relationship...get out. It doesn't matter how messy it is. You are not doing the person any favors by staying with them if you don't love them.
- Don't settle. I was so afraid of getting hurt because I knew how intense it was to be with this person that was so far away that... I settled for comfortable. Find the person that you are madly, passionately in love with...everyone deserves that kind of love.
