Black or white scale?
- I understand why bisexual women feel like they are not entirely welcome in the lesbian community. However, I do not think this is a black or white question of discrimination. I believe some lesbians think that since bisexuals can choose a straight lifestyle, they dont have to every day fight for the acceptance and rights of a marginalized community and therefore dont have the same right to call themselves members of that community. Personally I have a hard time being with women who have been with men before. I actually see it as a lack of respect for me from my partners side. It causes me a lot of pain. I think a fundamental part of this (although can only speak for myself) also has to do with self respect and integrity. As a lesbian, you cant have kids with your true love. Your relationship is not considered legitimate socially or legally and your human rights are systematically overlooked and violated. Bisexuals are sometimes seen as standing above all of this. What do you think
- —Guest Johanna Karlsson
On bisexuality and choosing
- Some here say we bisexuals can choose-I guess that means that we can choose to be with men. Maybe we can hide from prejudice that way, and never get nvolved with women. Maybe that would be satisfying for some bi's, but I doubt it. At 5, I had crushes on both Mike and Jan. I was encouraged in my crush on Mike, because it was recognized as that (how cute!), but how I felt about Jan was dismissed. Later, I read about same sex crushes in sex ed books that called it a normal phase. Things like these innoculated me against my own feelings, enabling me to hide from myself, to hide behind liking guys too. Being bi, we can choose to be with a woman or with a man, we can choose monogamy, and we can stick to it as well as anyone else. But I don't believe we can be happy without, at least sometimes, playing with both. Furthermore, being in the closet isn't healthy for anyone.
- —Guest Diane
Bi
- I am Lesbian and My partner is Bi i never had doubts about her love for me in fact we are getting married in october
- —Guest Erin
why
- I don't get why people think being bisexual is a choice. I am bisexual for one thing, I have tried so hard to like one gender and it doesn't work. Another thing, not all bisexuals will go out and cheat, or play the field. I can understand why some people don't like bisexuals, but not for the right reasons.
- —underneaththesurface
Bi-Sexual
- If ever I tell anyone, gay or straight, that I'm bis-sexual I get the all to familiar roll of the eyes. It's like everyone thinks I'm using it as an excuse to easy into being a lesbian. I'm not. I came out of a 2 year relationship with a man and went straight into another with a women. It is no different being with one or the other, save the difference of being with any two different people. Not even my girlfriend is comfortable about me mentioning it. It's like she feels I'm betraying her. I can assure everyone that I am on no fence. There is no fence. I feel as attracted to, and as likely to end up with a man as I do a women. I find it almost baffling that it's so hard for people to understand. It's not easier, why would anyone use it to transition into being totally gay? Straight people ridicule you about being gay, and gay people criticize that you need to make a choice. There is no more choice for me than there is for anyone else. I chose to accept who I am.
- —Guest HN
Acceptance is sometimes hard to find
- When I came out to close friends and family I got the, "It's just a phase." response. It's been 15 years since then. I am married to a wonderful person. Even if I do hear, "Are you still attracted to women?" or some other comment by someone who doesn't quiet understand. I am still attracted to some types of men AND women. Although I would NEVER even consider cheating. There is no excuse for that. I get frustrated when I hear, "You can't trust a bisexual, they will always want both." It doesn't matter what sexual prefrence you are. It comes down to the personal choices we make. I will always be bisexual. Even if I am now with one person for the rest of my life. I wish people would educate themselves about something before passing judgement on others. And bless the ones who are positive and supportive of others, even if they may not agree with it.
- —Guest Amanda
complicated..
- I am in a long term relationship with a woman (5y), after 3 failed lesbian relationships that lasted between 5 and 7 years. I used to label myself as a 100% lesbian, but before this relationship I had the opportunity to sleep with men. Conclusion: I liked the sex very much but will not share a roof with a man. I sometimes long for a wild night with a nice guy and so, I guess, I might be bisexual. This I won´t share with my partner...yet, I think she suspects. Life is not perfect.
- —criseye
bi-women like women
- I have nothing against bi-women and at this stage in my life would be friends with them. However, due to falling recently for a women who wouldn't cross that invisible line, I missed out on getting to know another woman who was interested in me. I don't compete for a woman's affection. If she is with me it is because she wants to be. I don't think about who she was with before me. And after me, it is not my business. Pass the dating thing, some bi-women abandon lesbian friends when they are with men. That's just as hard to take as losing a girlfriend/lover.
- —Guest blacksalty
.......
- I never hear people talking about gays being prejudice.... but it happens all the time. In the darkest corners or the brightest alley It happens as much as str8's discriminate
- —Guest mi
Hmmm....
- I am a lesbian but I have experienced some of the reasons why lesbians may have a fear of bi women. Personally I don't feel that bi woman are bad or that they should choose. Some woman though will use the bi status to "play the field." I dated a bi woman for awhile. She said she was divorced but found out after I had feelings for her that she was not. She was messing around with me and her husband at the same time and I didn't know it until I found out she was pregnant. I was deeply hurt and felt betrayed. She told me she loved me but if only I were a man could she be with me. I am a kind caring individual whereas her husband beat her and her children, but she chose him over me. My wife now has been with men and women throughout her life, but she has fallen in love with me. She classifies herself as a lesbian now but there is no desire for her to go back to a man. All I can say is just be careful with who you may choose. Ask questions and get to know them before you give your heart.
- —Guest Happy Woman Now
Well...
- Lesbians are usually prejudiced against bi-women because of the LUG (Lesbian-Until-Graduation) phenomenon, where a woman will identify as gay as an experiment, or as a political statement, or, like the detestable Ms Perry and her faumosexual sisters, because it's like "the newest thing" and makes them money, but, once out (or back) in the "real world," will be scrabbling after "Mr Right" with the best of 'em. This has caused many a broken heart for gay girls - including yours truly in her younger days - and leaves a sour taste.
- —Guest Salabra
bisexuality is not a choice
- whoever says bisexuality is a choice should be ashamed! being bisexual is not easier than being gay! there is no "choice" involved. yes we are attracted to women and men, it doesn't mean we are "stuck on the fence" or can't decide, it's just who we are! Lesbians who want the right to like woman should understand bisexuals who want the right to like women and men.
- —Guest Lucy
Defenitely not bi-phobic
- I am a lesbian and I have nothing against bisexuality, but I feel that at the end of the day we'll always be with just one person-one gender. I believe bisexuality is in a way being bi-curious, because eventually when one meets there life partner, they settle with only them. I'd love to hear any opinions that are contradictory to mine. I am very empathetic.
- —Guest bookworm
bi-phobia stories
- 100% experienced this. I say I'm 'bi' if pushed but really in practice, I'm only into women and only been with women. Last summer I connected with a woman who identifies publically as lesbian but sleeps with men on the side. We were about to 'really' connect until I refused to identify as lesbian only and she just walked away stating "i only sleep with women who label themselves lesbian." ...hmph
- —Guest LEE
range
- I view human sexuality on a scale. One side being completely straight, onr side being completely homosexual. Most people fall somewhere in between. There are all different types of people in the world and all different preferences. Each person falls on a different point along the sexuality scale. Human sexuality is a highly complex issue and cannot be broken down into right and wrong, black and white, up or down. Love and acceptance is the key to progress...the key to evolving as a human race. Some bisexuals are monogomous, some are not. Some lesbians cheat, some do not. Lets break the stereotypes people and look at people as people who love rather than people who form judgmental opinions about others...for their sexuality, their preferences, their innate attractions and chosen attractions. It's no ones business to judge. Be bi. Be straight. Be gay. Be who you are. It's not a one way street.
- —Guest AustinLOVE
