From the article: Why Is There Biphobia in the Lesbian Community?
Have you experienced bi-phobia, prejudice against bisexuals? Especially from within the LGBT community? Share your story and how it made you feel. Share Bi-phobia stories
Bi-phobia sucks
- I’m 37, have always been bi, am monogamous and never ever cheated on anyone. I got lots of biphobia from both straights and gays. Many people think that I would leave them for a person the other sex, or cheat on them “cause I’m bi”, or were afraid their friends would think this. Many thought bi doesn’t exist or is just a phase. Many guys fetishized me as the “she sure loves threesome”-slut as soon as I dared to come out to them. Some macho guys were not afraid that I'd cheat on them, as why would I want a “subhuman person” e. g. woman for partner? Lesbians almost always turned me down categorically the minute I came out to them. Therefore, almost non-existing female dating pool -> self-fulfilling prophecy that most of my dates were male -> “proof” that I was not bi. I have mostly given up on straights and gays and only date bi people as we understand one another without biphobic prejudice. Too difficult to find cool monos who see you as a person, not as a “bi slut” when you come out.
- —Guest Robinium
I NEED HELP!!
- I have a boyfriend and I think I might be bi-sexual one of my friends is bi but I don't want to loose my realtionship with him bc I like my friend.. We all go to the same house and I live in a little town so if one person knows everyone will know that I am. My mind is all mixed up, && I need help to find my way back..
- —Guest The one in front
Bi and proud (but single.)
- I've known I was bi for a long time. Because of the "fetishization" of bi-sexuality I never felt particularly discriminated against for being bi. Weird, but true. I was attacked once and called a "lesbo", but nobody ever gave me crap for being bi specifically. That's why it shocked me when I came out to my very liberal aunt and uncle and my aunt told me it was a phase that I would get over. That she had had such a phase herself. My experiences since then have been varied. Some ignore it, some laugh it off, a lot of lesbians refuse to associate with me, and some men want to be with me just because I'm bi and they think it means I'm kinky. It wasn't so bad when I was younger and mostly preferred men; now that I mostly prefer women it's gotten harder. I don't fit in in the lesbian community and don't know where to start. I decided against finding a male partner because even though it'd be comfortable and easy, I probably wont be satisfied. I'm lonely. Hopefully that will change.
- —Guest Zella
Everyone Questions YOU
- I am male have a preference for bisexual girls because I found it is great to be understood loved and immediately accepted, they have made the best lovers, friends and companions. But as a man who identifies as bisexual, because not only am I attracted to both but dated both openly, I am questioned by both straight and gay people alike. Including gay teachers in a graduate program, my employers, and dozens of others. It is a very weird to have people in positions of authority tell you to "get out of denial" or "go be gay" especially when you are in a loving relationship with a woman, and that most of my relationships have been with women. "Bisexual" is something people do not believe really and some are arrogant enough to believe that they know my own heart and soul better than myself.
- —Guest Hermes
Bi-phobia in faux-liberal communities
- I'm a W in Brattleboro, VT and have always been attracted to both M & W, and my partner, who was once married to a woman, came out and self-identified as gay for much of the rest of his life. Our relationship now appears to cause many people anxiety in both gay and straight circles. He had in the past identified as bi-sexual but felt compelled to make a choice since his gay activities ended his marriage. We get each other. There is much more to people than black/white labeling and for many of us, sexuality is fluid. There are many elements in mutual attraction that occur; shared values, the continuum of dominance and those dynamics, sexual uninhibitedness, physical attraction, etc.. Apparently, the only more reviled than the bi-sexual man is the woman who will f*ck him. There are folks who will not even speak to me on the street now . US culture allows the puritans to control the narrative, so even gay m & w conform to those expected roles & pass judgement. It's rooted in sexism.
- —Guest Ultraviolet
It's a real thing...
- For as long as I've known I've been attracted to both boys and girls. In fact, I used to have huge crushes on my female babysitter and her husband (lol). I also understand why straight/gay/lesbian people don't trust bisexuals because they may just be messing with them, but those are the fake ones. Don't think that someone is a fake bisexual if they leave you for the other gender; it may actually mean that he/she actually likes that person better. I had a boyfriend for 2 years who I definitely fell in love with, but this gorgeous girl just swept me off my feet, and now that I'm with her I don't think I can get any happier. What I mean to say is that there are people who are equally attracted to both sexes. To bisexuals like me, who we like depends on what's inside them and how they make us feel, not about their gender. It sucks to know that there are people in the straight community and the gay/lesbian community who disapprove of us. Don't hate on us :(
- —Guest Franzy
Discriminating friends
- I am 14 years old. I am bi,but i haven't told anyone. Reason being, i am in love with my best friend. And once, one of my friends said she could never be seen with a lesbian or a bisexual. I am very scared of telling people, and being judged. And plus, no one at my school has come out as being bi, only two guys saying they're gay, and one girl saying she's a lesbian. I need some serious help..
- —Guest K
Not knowing
- I'm a teen and I don't know if I am bi or not. I am attracted to both sexes. It feels right, but I know it's wrong. I haven't told anyone because I'm afraid that I'll be completely ridiculed and rejected. My parents are very religious and would possibly abandon me. I can't risk that, I'm only 15! I have barely any friends and everyday is harder than the last. I don't know what to do or how to go on. I don't know for sure because I've never experiences with another girl before, but the attraction is certainly there. I don't know what to do and I need help. Maybe if it was a more open subject at school or home, maybe I would come out, but I know that it's not and that no one wants that. If I knew, maybe it would be easier, but I don't know and I can't be certain... How can I go around saying "I'm bi!" to everyone when I don't even know if that's really what I am? I don't want to be bi... It's a difficult life...
- —Guest ih8myself...
It's okay
- I think it's okay for a woman to be bi-sexual I didn't before bcoz I always felt like it was an excuse for a woman to always have an open ended relationship in case she cheats with a man she could always say "but I told you so", but cheating is cheating regardless of gender. You really can't help whom you're attracted to, but if I'm interested in a woman in becoming my partner it wouldn't matter if she was bi when I met her but once I make my interest beknown to her, then I would have to be her ONE and ONLY interest.
- —Guest panther
Not the best of both worlds yet
- I'm 20, a feminist, a woman, biracial, and bisexual. I knew when I was 13. I had been watching this show called Tru Calling, and Eliza Dushku was just so attractive. I told a friend later. He laughed and told me, "You have the best of both worlds!" Most of my good friends identified as bisexual during high school. But after a few years of college, I somehow became the only bisexual person I knew. My friends either identified as lesbians or as straight, and I stopped getting the benefit of doubt. I appeared too hetero-normative. I was just straight and didn't know it. Bisexuals deserved distrust for receiving heterosexual privilege. My favorite: I was "heteroflexible." I feel left out of conversations with my heterosexual friends and marginalized by my religious community. I shy from the LGBTQ center at my university because I'm sheepishly afraid that I'll be written off as straight. I sincerely wish I were just lesbian or comfortable in my skin. I'm tired of being alone. -Bethany
- —Guest waitingforthatgreenergrass
Wow.
- I'm 13, bi and just came out last week. I told my parents and a few close friends. The only issue is that I can't be open about it in my school cuz it's a catholic school. I can't aske the girl out that I like cuz of that... Which sux. Happily, tho, I have several bi and bi curious friends at my school. I didn't realize there was so much bi discrimination... Ya kno? Life is weird... And tho it may not always give us lemons for lemonade, it just might give us apples. >.
- —Guest C
Ohhhh...
- I'm 15, and I never thought that I could be bi. Although that all changed the day I realized, I loved her. We had been best friends for 5 years and she went out with this one guy. He would purposely make out with her in front of me to make me jealous. I was. I told her that and she smiled. One day, she grabbed my hand, pulled me close, and kissed me. He was furious, he told everyone, and we were outcasts. We didn't look at eachother for a while, and eventually she fell out of my life. Then, I met a man, and fell for everything about him. He was perfect for me. We started getting serious, and then I saw the love of my life at a store. I was nervous, I balled my hands up, and took a deep breath. I marched over to her and said hi. She smiled, and gave me a big hug. I inhaled her sweet perfume, our bodies seem to just fit, like a puzzle. We got back in contact, and my man left me for some other chick. I don't care, I'm in love with my honey, and she is in love with me...
- —Guest In Love
I don't have all the answers
- I'm not going to say that ever since I was little I knew I was different, because I didn't fell different. About maybe 2 years ago I've become really attracted to women. I've also looked at a woman and said damn, she's pretty but now it's on like another level. I pretty much see them as potential partners. I feel guilty because I'm not saying I'm full lesbian but that I like both. I've always said people who are Bi-sexual just want it both ways. they want their cake and eat it to. There is this guy you see, I actually love him a lot, but I am Bi-sexual. Am I deceiving him, should I just let him go? I can't come out even though my parents are okay with homosexuals they dont believe in bi-sexual living. I'm scared that my friends will find out and stop talking to me. I'm not one to care about what others think but in today's society I could easily be condemned for being myself!! I just wish one day I'll be able to come out and say hey I'm totally GAY!!! And I don't care that you know!
- —Guest Ashley E.
I feel like a fake
- Since I was very little I had attractions to women. I dated a couple boys in middle school until I was 13 and fell in love with a close friend and we dated for close to a year, and that was the beginning of it all and was the first intimate relationship I had ever had. After that relationship I had many girlfriends, well 3 major ones and some other short and sweet or just plain heart breaking ones. I had always identified as a lesbian ever since I was 13 and came out. I became a rather cute lil dyke if I do say so myself, fauxhawk, boy clothes, I was so happy, confident and sure of who I am. Now about 10 months ago I met a man, we became very close friends and he expressed how he hd fallen in love with me and we kissed. It was all very confusing for me. He really fell in love with my little dykey self.. and I fell in love with him. But I still feel like I'm a lesbian. We've been together for about 9 months now. I was so sure of myself. But I don't ever want to leave him, or lose myself
- —Guest mandy
I feel like a fake
- Since I was very little I had attractions to women. I dated a couple boys in middle school until I was 13 and fell in love with a close friend and we dated for close to a year, and that was the beginning of it all and was the first intimate relationship I had ever had. After that relationship I had many girlfriends, well 3 major ones and some other short and sweet or just plain heart breaking ones. I had always identified as a lesbian ever since I was 13 and came out. I became a rather cute lil dyke if I do say so myself, fauxhawk, boy clothes, I was so happy, confident and sure of who I am. Now about 10 months ago I met a man, we became very close friends and he expressed how he hd fallen in love with me and we kissed. It was all very confusing for me. He really fell in love with my little dykey self.. and I fell in love with him. But I still feel like I'm a lesbian. We've been together for about 9 months now. I was so sure of myself. But I don't ever want to leave him, or lose myself
- —Guest mandy
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