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Readers Respond: Lack of Sex in Lesbian Relationships

Responses: 104

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Why is it that lesbian couples stop having sex? What can be done to bring sex back into a relationship? Please share your ideas and advice for couples suffering from lesbian bed death. Share Your Solutions

girlfriend refuses

Me and my girlfriend arent having sex either.. we have been together 5 years n the last 3 and a half years our sex life has slowed down dramatically.. she tells me sex isnt everything so i take it when shr says its time.. i drink n she smokes weed.. she tells me we cant have sex whej im drinkon but right before or during sex shes smokin weed or a ciggerette i tell her its a double standard so now sex has to be planned ahead of time or not at all and im the spontaneous type of person and alsi she doesnt kiss me heeeelllppp mee
—Guest fee

sex & antidepressants

This topic is hard to find a solution. I've been with my partner for almost 2 yrs we r still madly in love but the sex has become very infrequent honestly I think because I'm on an antidepressant & difficulty climaxing is a major side affect. I get frustrated because one wrong move & its all gone & she is frustrated because it can take hours,literally,for me to climax & we just don't want to anymore. We still have fun,laugh always,talk about anything and everything & we say sex isn't everything but it will always be a major part in any relationship. I don't know how to change this =(
—Guest kelly

lesbian bed death doesn't exist

NEWSFLASH: LBD doesn't exist... there is couples bed death, but i suppose the only reason why it is highlighted among lesbians is that heterosexual couples have the societal and underlying psychological support of being normative 'breeders'. The solution is get off the internet and get real help and support. Everybody is different and not one solution will suit everyone. Make choices and take action NOW. Stop frustrating yourselves by watching faux lesbian porn designed for crusty old men on the internet. Get real about the bed you want to make and lie in it happy. Meanwhile, big love to all of you reading these posts. Try and stay positive! Lesbian Bi Gay Trans Love rules :)
—Guest PolySwagg

12 yrs

My partner& I have been together for 12 yrs... at first we were all over eachother, now I dont even think she looks at me. we fight more than we talk, she told me everyone else shed been with knows how to touch her, and I suck in bed. Im so hurt,I cant even try .....what do I do?
—Guest whattodo

Don't give up hope

Me and my wife have been married 3years.and yes the sex has slowed,but she is everything I could ever hoped,prayed and dreamed for.the sex is the only issue in our lives..but if your relationship is strong enough you can work this out too.I'm trying different things right now to change it.we just have to know that our love is strong and we can work through this stuff.it sucks but talking can help.just not to much.and also taking a break from hanging out 24/7can help.like get a hobby to have some space.and don't press the issue.make it easy for them to want us.sometimes being to available can be boring.make a little mystery. if you love each other check out some websites on how to spice it up again they can help.and even therapy may work for u.I'm trying everything I love her to much to believe that we can't fix it..
—Guest Cat

I think we can save it guys

I have been married to my wife for 3years together for4. We had amazing sex the first 2 years.then it slacks off.we only have sex when she feels like it.unless I really have a hard core talk with her on my frustration.then I know she dose it because she feels bad.we love each other.I love her so much.she says she dose not need sex as much as I do,but still wants and loves me.I will find away to make our marriage stronger.I don't want to but I can live without sex.if it means loosing her.I don't think it will come to that.I think we need to not put so much pressure on our partners who don't want it as much.and maybe just try to remember what we loved about each other in the beginning.make it about her.make it easy to have fun and laugh a lot.I'm trying this right now and will keep an update if this works for us!good luck ladies.wish me one too!:)
—Guest Cat3000

Help!

Im 23 and have been with my partner for two years, the past six months our sex life has been far from exciting... I buy new clothes, do my hair and make-up to look good for her, sexy lingerie, take her to dinner, clean the house, rub her back, get her gifts - you name it, I do it. She doesn't seem to notice me anymore... Does anyone have any tricks on what I should do? I feel like our sex life is never spontaneous, urgent and passionate like it used to be. I'm getting bored because all she wants to do is sit around and play Xbox and watch tv. Anyone else have gf not noticing any efforts you make problems? She is actually asleep next to me while I write this... Could honestly say the lack of sex is really making me feel not only bored but unwanted. I'd be happy with once a week even though I'd love it everyday. I understand we have different sex drives, but at the moments I'm lucky if I make love to my partner once a month. Any advice ladies? Thanks... X
—Guest Little bit lost

She say she celibent

Me and my girl been talking for a yrea and 4 months. We used to have sex every time I wanted it....but now she don't do it at all...she say she celibent but I know she can't go without it for too long...I feel like if she not giving it to me she giving it to someone else...then she in the army and she be gone for a long time and when she come home she still don't want any...I guess we feel apart...
—Guest Hannah

Not an expert, but...

A healthy relationship includes TALKING. If your partner doesn't want to talk about it with just the two of you maybe couples counseling would be in order. There are a lot of therapists who are LGBT. Also, depression can lower your sex drive, and as a catch-22, so do antidepressants. If this could be a factor see if your partner will discuss it with her doctor. If your girl absolutely refuses to discuss the lack of sex in your relationship then maybe it's time to move on. Any relationship has to include give and take. If you're doing all the giving and she's doing all the taking that's a bad situation. The other thing is get yourself what I call a "BFF" (battery functioning friend). That way when we hit a dry patch because of my girl's crazy schedule I can still get some without bugging her when she's tired. Also, I have found that just skin-to-skin cuddling can sometimes be just as enjoyable. We can be close but yet I'm not pressuring her for sex.
—Guest Dana

Stop LBD steps

Concluding my former message about stopping LBD -its a couple issue. My comments are based on my personal experience & observations. Some couples are okay with not having sex. But if you are reading this and worrying about the sizzle dissipating with your lover- or if you think its gone, then obviously sex is important to you. A strong fire begins by gathering togethr tinder material so it will hold the spark- you dont grab a log, douse it w fire starter and light a match right? Your sex life has to (re)build the same way, then it has to be paid attn to w regularity.
—Guest Purringprettu

Stop LBD steps

Concluding my former message about stopping LBD -its a couple issue. My comments are based on my personal experience & observations. Some couples are okay with not having sex. But if you are reading this and worrying about the sizzle dissipating with your lover- or if you think its gone, then obviously sex is important to you. A strong fire begins by gathering togethr tinder material so it will hold the spark- you dont grab a log, douse it w fire starter and light a match right? Your sex life has to (re)build the same way, then it has to be paid attn to w regularity.
—Guest Purringprettu

Stop LBD steps

1. Either make a date or surprise her.. 2. Pressing the gas pedal to the floor when you jump startnyour car will only flood the engine. In other words, sexual excitement begins in little steps like a back rub... Do only that the first few nights. If she says she has a headache.. Make her peppermint tea and create a calming environment around her.. Turn off annoying lights, TV!!, and play calming soothing natural sounds.. 3. If you have a TV in your bedroom, either remove it or disguise it so it 'disappears', throw a swag over it or have it in an armoir so you dont notice it. 3. Think forward and make your bedroom your 'lair' for relaxation, sleep and SEX. That means decluttering this area of mood killing items like work projects, news papers, ,dirty dishes & junk that doesnt belong. Declutter your bookcase/dresser etc of trinket stuff that sits in a pile. All this is anxiety producing when you look at it and will immediately take you out of the mood you are trying to create.
—Guest Purringprettu

Stop LBD steps

1. Either make a date or surprise her.. 2. Pressing the gas pedal to the floor when you jump startnyour car will only flood the engine. In other words, sexual excitement begins in little steps like a back rub... Do only that the first few nights. If she says she has a headache.. Make her peppermint tea and create a calming environment around her.. Turn off annoying lights, TV!!, and play calming soothing natural sounds.. 3. If you have a TV in your bedroom, either remove it or disguise it so it 'disappears', throw a swag over it or have it in an armoir so you dont notice it. 3. Think forward and make your bedroom your 'lair' for relaxation, sleep and SEX. That means decluttering this area of mood killing items like work projects, news papers, ,dirty dishes & junk that doesnt belong. Declutter your bookcase/dresser etc of trinket stuff that sits in a pile. All this is anxiety producing when you look at it and will immediately take you out of the mood you are trying to create.
—Guest Purringprettu

it sucks.

My girl and I have been together three years and the sex has never been constant. I can't say I'm happy about that. we really have a great relationship so there's no underlying problems.What I suggest is making sex dates unromantic as it is. If there's any problems not being confronted, that's a mood killer. I'm going to try tonight and if I get turned down I'm confronting her.
—Guest claire

What did I do wrong

My partner and I have been together for 2 years now. In the begining we couldn't get enough of each other. All of a sudden everything changed. She started comming up with excuses like "I'm tired", "It's that time of the month again", "My legs are paining", "Not in the mood today". Even our phone sex stoped. I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm out of ideas and she dosen't want to talk about anything. According to her there is nothing wrong with our relationship or sex life. Any help or ideas. We were never to shy to say what we wanted the other one to do. Can anyone help me or give me any advise.
—Guest Jasmine

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Lack of Sex in Lesbian Relationships

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