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Readers Respond: Lack of Sex in Lesbian Relationships

Responses: 119


Why is it that lesbian couples stop having sex? What can be done to bring sex back into a relationship? Please share your ideas and advice for couples suffering from lesbian bed death. Share Your Solutions

Continuing my first response

My gf of 6 years has even told me to find someone else who could give me what I need sexually but I can't do that because what we have is more than just sex. We are complete opposites and it works we have fun with each other and talk about everything. I think that is what has kept us together after 2 years of no sex because we talk about how we feel and she isn't easy to talk to about our sex life. She gets shy and sometimes even mad but it bothers her that she can't make love to me. A good relationship is all about give and take and communication. I guess what I am trying to say is that it is frustrating to not have her touch me but I also understand the things she is going through (stress wise) and the pain her back gives her but not having loving doesn't make me love her any less. Just makes me appreciate it more when it does happen.
—Guest A random reader

Wanted to voice my opinion

I have been reading a lot of everyone's situation and there are a lot I can relate to. I am not sure if anyone is still commenting or what but I want to say a few things. I first came out as a lesbian when I was 18 but has always been attracted to women since I was 14. I didn't start dating another female until 18 and that relationship was horrible. She was very abusive verbally and emotionally but I stayed with her for 4 years even through the cheating she did to me with underage girls. I finally found the other half of my soul at 21 and she was 34. We have been together for 6 years and our love making was amazing for the first year her sex drive was higher than mine. She wanted it every 3 days and then she got into a wreck and fractured her spine so obviously our love making slowed down dramatically to every few months. Yes, it was very frustrating for me but as long as she didn't tease me I would be ok. Now, it has been 2 years since we have made love and I use to think it was me...
—Guest A random visitor


My partner& I have been together for 12 yrs... at first we were all over eachother, now I dont even think she looks at me. we fight more than we talk, she told me everyone else shed been with knows how to touch her, and I suck in bed. Im so hurt,I cant even try .....what do I do?After reading that im not alone in this DEATH BED b.s, I tried some of the advices ive read from the articles...I tried porn...I even bought some toys.. ALL I GOT AND GET FR HER NOW IS.. your sick...watching porn! she says only pedifies & sick nasty people do that! when I told her I bought some toys...she got soo upset, even threw one on the concrete outside and broke it. Wth..??? now if I take showers for too long or stay uo late at night in the living room...she acuses me of playing with myself and or wstvhing porn..and starts fighting with me until I just go to bed in the room just to shut her up! SOMEBODY PLEASE.
—Guest whattodo

4 years

I don't want sex, ever. I lust for others, but not for my girl. I hate her attitude, she is always angry, i am tired of us, i am tired of her. There is no passion, there is only routine
—Guest justme

What's wrong with me?

So Everything is going fine for now..but I want it almost every time I see my gf of 2 years but I don't want her to think that our whole relationship is just based off of sex. (She's asked me if that's the reason why we're mainly together) I Love her but should I hold myself back a little?
—Guest C


Ive always had a high sex drive in all my relationships; and this relationship is the best ive had. My gf and I have great sex but maybe once a week. I know she loves me and is attracted to me because of the things she does everyday but she never wants to have sex. I have to beg her for oral pleasure. Once she starts she doesnt want to stop but its just hard to get her horny i guess. Ive tried everything. Sexy outfits dont work everytime. Touching her makes her ticklish. I dont know.
—Guest Mermaid


My girlfriend just told me she is bored with out relationship. We have been together 4 years. She said its because we don't have much Sex anymore. I lt bothers me but not enough to be bored. I am so upset and feel like I am failing her. I can't lose her she means the world to me. I don't know how to fix this realistically? I am lost.
—Guest G

so lonely

I have tried everything. 6 years together, thing were good 1st few months. Then she started giving excuses to not make love. We havn't made love in 7 months. Everytime I mention it we get in arguement. I'm ready to move on. We have nothing to even talk about anymore. All we do when I get off work is eat supper and watch tv. I'm afraid to touch her in fear of being rejected.

To much

I've been in a relationship on and off for three years. We are 10 years apart I have2 teenagers and she has 2 little kids. We really care about each other but we never get time spend time together and we are not open. There is always a kid in the room with us everyone thinks we are jus good friends. I'm older and my teenage daghter jus had a baby now ima a grandma.I still have. Urges to be with a man I have a friend. Would it be to much to ask here from time to time I can sleep with my friend with no strings attatched. Or is that to much given we dnt even get to sleep with each other. That muchM
—Guest ms chocolate

dont know what to do

my gf & I have been dating for a year & 10 months and havent had sex. i dont kno why. she says its because i intimidate her or pressure her but i just dont understand. is it me? is sh just not
—Guest sad.one

should i keep waiting or move on

My girlfriend and I have been together 8 years. Sex is not the center of love but it does matter. You're not young forever and it makes me feel another side of my partner when we are intimate. Problem is we haven't had sex in probably 4 years so long I've lost track. We don't kiss intimately or touch much at all. I can't believe I'm even still here with her but saying goodbye is so hard. It seems like I'm the only one with a problem with our sex life then she feels bad watching me cry about it and keeps saying I love you. I'm tired of holding on I feel cheated and hurt. I'm not sure what to do sometimes I just want an argument bad enough to break us up I just don't know a way out.
—Guest notgettingnone


take away the word lesbian, it's bead death and happens to all kinds of gender couples it's time to burst the myth that it's only lesbian for crying out load the patriarchy wants us to believe it only happens to women, WAKE UP and smell the mindfuck!!
—Guest lola

whats lost is found

—Guest Little bit lost. You sound awesome. Do the oppisit..give her less attention do a little less for her..trust me its so hard! focus on loving your self..make her miss you a bit.. ive just started to myself.. its slowly working.. ;)
—Guest me

dif't forms of sex after 20 years

First, define what sex means to you personally. Then pick her brain about what it means to her and how intimacy can be more than the act of penetration. Taking a shower together, going for long walks, taking care of your self on your own or in front of her, phone sex, etc... Finding others to date can often liven up things. It can also backfire but at least you'll know what's up and if you are ready to move on. Maybe share fantasies. Read erotica to each other. If you can come to an understanding of what intimacy actually means to both of you, sex can either be redefined or awakened.
—Guest LEE


Talk to your doctor! A change in brand of antidepressant will probably solve the problem. I know this from experience.
—Guest Ilianna

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Lack of Sex in Lesbian Relationships

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