It seems like every day I hear from someone who is desperate. She wants to know if what she is experiencing or feeling means she is a lesbian or bisexual. Here are three different letters that I received in the same week:
I am in my 40s and married with 2 children. I have always considered myself as heterosexual but I feel confused about my sexuality at this point of my life.
I remember as a teenager I saw a girl for the first time and I was attracted to her, we never spoke and I never saw her again after that. I could not get her out of my mind for months, even now I can still remember her. When I look at lesbian movies it turns me on. The tenderness and the connection and the compassion between the characters that are expressed, I long for.
Sometimes I feel so messed up, I feel thorn apart. I need to tell someone but I scared to do that because I'm married. I don't know if I'm gay or bi, please help.
What Am I?
Recently after these two days I have been feeling quite weird. I'm 19 yrs old who goes to university and there is a girl in my class.
I'm not sure if I'm attracted her or not. When I added her on Facebook and looked at her relationship status which she was with someone I imagined him and her on the bed. I was imagining her how her skin is soft.
I keep thinking to myself that I'm a lesbian but I don't want to think that way. So I keep imagining guys that I find attractive but it seems its not working. I want a normal life. If I tell this to my parents they will freak out. I don't know what to do.
What's Going On with Me?
I'm 38, and recently gone through a separation and divorce from my husband whom I had been with for 19 years. I have taken the last 20 months to work through the separation and get my head together.
During this time I have been on a date with one guy, whom was very nice, yet I didn't want to take it any further. During these last 20 months, despite being introduced to many new men and women through work and other friends, I have not been attracted to anyone. I felt that it was too early for me coming out of the divorce, and wasn't ready.
Last week, I was visiting customers and was introduced to the lady who would be my main contact there. This week I have been working quite a bit with her, and have found that I am really enjoying her company. I have also realized that I am really looking forward to going in there to see her. Today I was sat in the staff canteen on a table on my own, she came in to have a drink and sat with me. Also in the canteen where some of her work colleagues, so I just reasoned to myself that she was being polite.
I also found myself on the drive home thinking about her, and imagining going out for a drink with her. I don't even know if she is in a relationship with anyone, be male or female.
I have never felt like this towards any female and the last time I felt like this was with a male who became my husband. I don't think it is a rebound thing coming out of marriage as it's been some time, and I'm not the type of "lets go crazy and rebel against everything/one". So I'm not sure what is going on with me.
It might be helpful to these women and everyone else who writes in to me with similar questions to hear from you all. How did you know you were a lesbian or bisexual? Was there something that happened and you just knew? How did you decide that the feelings you were having meant you were lesbian or bisexual? Please share your story!
© kay mandrik