1. People & Relationships

Discuss in my forum

Kathy Belge

Help! My Girlfriend is a Messy Slob!

By April 11, 2012

Follow me on:

What would you do if the love of your life was a slob and you were a neat freak? I've been pretty lucky in that the girlfriends I've lived with have all had my same neatness standard. But that's not the case for the woman who wrote into Ask Emily this week. She likes things neat and tidy and her girlfriend, well, she lets the dishes and laundry pile up. How can she get her girlfriend to take responsibility and clean up after herself without seeming like a nag?

Ryan McVey/Getty Images

Comments
April 12, 2012 at 11:14 am
(1) Salty says:

Don’t nag. Unless she pays you in cash don’t clean up after her – you are not her maid or her mother. Let it pile up. Tell her she can only use her space and her dishes. Eventually she will have to clean it up. Her space is half of every room. If she puts stuff on your side then toss it outdoors. When you clean your space you can do whatever you want with what is cluttering your space. If she doesn’t like it then it is time to move – out. If the mess and or stench gets unbearable then it is time to move out.

Get to know the habits of a girlfriend by spending time at her place before moving in with her. Is her vehicle messy? Is her livingroom, bathroom, bedroom messy? I don’t mean organized clutter but things on the floor so you are stepping on or over stuff and don’t have a place to sit because stuff is tossed on the chairs and sofa and kitchen table. Is the kitchen clean – no dirty piled up dishes pots pans? Scope out her living space. It will take more than one visit because she might be doing Spring cleaning on your first visit. Or she had a busy previous day and didn’t feel like washing the dishes pots pans. :)

April 17, 2012 at 9:06 am
(2) elisa says:

It looks like I could have written the question about 10 years ago and taken the advice given. Fast-forward 10 years and it’s still not easy. Yes, you should take the time to check out if the other person is messy in their world before you become part of it if you are a neat person. I am the neat person. I have felt like the maid. We make the mad dash to clean up if someone is coming over (this is a very rare occurrence; and it is also a family “joke” to be known as “slobs”). If you can deal with walking over things, dirt and piles of stuff that “landslide” all the time … go for it. It’s not always easy and that really should be noted. I have lots of regrets, things I didn’t get to do (my own fault) because I was cleaning up, clearing up, or rearranging so that I could have room in my home to do something I would have liked to have had space for. I regret the money spent replacing things that get “lost” in the piles and are never found again. I regret that I get blamed when something of hers is not around (she’ll insist I threw it away, only for it to reappear in a few years when something has been moved). I do love her, but I really do wonder if it was worth it to live like this.

April 17, 2012 at 9:06 am
(3) elisa says:

It looks like I could have written the question about 10 years ago and taken the advice given. Fast-forward 10 years and it’s still not easy. Yes, you should take the time to check out if the other person is messy in their world before you become part of it if you are a neat person. I am the neat person. I have felt like the maid. We make the mad dash to clean up if someone is coming over (this is a very rare occurrence; and it is also a family “joke” to be known as “slobs”). If you can deal with walking over things, dirt and piles of stuff that “landslide” all the time … go for it. It’s not always easy and that really should be noted. I have lots of regrets, things I didn’t get to do (my own fault) because I was cleaning up, clearing up, or rearranging so that I could have room in my home to do something I would have liked to have had space for. I regret the money spent replacing things that get “lost” in the piles and are never found again. I regret that I get blamed when something of hers is not around (she’ll insist I threw it away, only for it to reappear in a few years when something has been moved). I do love her, but I really do wonder if it was worth it to live like this.

Leave a Comment

Line and paragraph breaks are automatic. Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title="">, <b>, <i>, <strike>

©2014 About.com. All rights reserved.