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When You Are Confused About Attraction to a Friend

Is My Friend a Lesbian?


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Hello, I have a doubt. I have a friend and we kissed a few times but only when we were drunk. One time we were close to having sex but we didn't. Maybe I was afraid. So, she suddenly said that she likes men and I was wrong, but she’s still close to me. For a few months we haven’t done much of anything, but for example, she sits near me, she speaks near my face so that I can smell her breath, and some things like that. Even her boyfriend asked her if we were in a relationship. I'm in love, but I don't now what to do. I don't know what to think about this situation. I need to know what happened with her. I need an advice please.

Dear Doubting Debbie

It’s hard to know exactly what is going on inside someone else’s head, but here is what I think. The first possibility is that your friend is either lesbian or bisexual, but is not ready to deal with this fact. Many lesbians will tell you that before they were able to come out and be open about who they are, they had feelings for a friend that confused them. One possibility is that your friend has strong feelings for you, but she cannot deal with them just yet.

Our culture can make it hard for someone to come out of the closet. If she is indeed a lesbian or bisexual, she may be coming out of the closet now. Or it may take her years. Some people never do come out. It sounds like you have come to terms with your same-sex attraction, but she has not.

Is She a Lesbian or Bisexual?

The other possibility is that your friend is not lesbian or bisexual at all. She knows that you’re attracted to her and it makes her feel good. She likes to flirt with you and wants to be close, but she is really heterosexual and into men. People do experiment with their sexuality. She may have been experimenting with you and decided that she is straight after all.

What do these possibilities mean for you? Unfortunately, you have already fallen in love with your friend. The best advice I can give you is to give yourself some space from this friend, get out and socialize with other people. I’m not saying you can’t keep this girl as your friend, but be conscious of the feelings you have after being with her. Do you feel better about yourself or worse?

Unrequited Lesbian Love

It is hard to be in love with someone who does not return your affections, no matter what their sexual orientation. Usually the best solution is to get some space from this person and move on with your life. If things change in the future, then you can adjust accordingly. In the meantime, focus on yourself or meeting someone who is able to return your love.
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