At 18 I was dating a guy that liked guys. We were both "bisexual". I thought we were so cool. I wanted him to take my virginity. There we were lying naked in his parents front room listening to kd lang. I never felt so comforted before. We proceeded to have a fight and I put on my clothes and left his house. Six Months later I came out as a lesbian.
I was friends with an older woman and I had a mad crush on her and every other chubby woman I knew. I went to school with her son, and I used to come over on the weekends to spend time with her. I professed a crush on another girl that used to come over there too and she rejected my advances. We loved each other but in a strange and distant way. The older woman didn't exactly comfort me when the other girl rejected me. She berated me and asked me what I was hiding from. After stuttering and stammering I said, “I am a lesbian.” And I cried and cried.
I cried and cried
I cried so much that I had my best friend at the time pick me up at her house, I couldn't walk. My deepest, darkest secret was exposed. While William was driving me home, I told him my new found realization and he wasn't surprised. No one was. I was breaking down and laughing in his car and I was crying so hard that he held my hand with one hand and steered the car with the other.
At the time I came out, we were studying the Holocaust in Social Studies class and I wore a pink triangle everywhere I went. That history resonated deep in my soul.
I cried for three weeks straight after I came out. I was in mourning because I desperately wanted to have children. But I did find a way to do that. (I have two daughters now.)
My Mother wasn't impressed when I told her I was a lesbian, she said the only reason why I was a lesbian was because I am fat and I couldn't get a man.
I wanted to roll my eyes because it wasn't unusual for her to say those types of things to me. I decided right then to always be proud of myself and to find myself a beautiful wife. And I did.
by Genevieve, Toronto, Canada
