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How do You Keep Sex Alive in a Relationship?


Emily Wilcox author of 100 Lesbians Walk Into a Bar

Emily Wilcox author of 100 Lesbians Walk Into a Bar

Question: How do You Keep Sex Alive in a Relationship?
Emily Wilcox is a relationship coach and advice columnist from Los Angeles. She’s just written a book 100 Lesbians Walk into a Bar, which is a compilation of questions she’s gotten over the years from her work as an advice columnist for Here Media. For Sexy Friday this week, I asked Emily what the most common lesbian relationship question she is asked. I’m not surprised to learn it’s about how to keep sex alive. Here Emily attempts to give advice for this oh-so-common lesbian problem.

What is the most common lesbian dating question you get?

I think a very common question would be how to keep the sex alive. It’s so difficult because there is nothing that will ever quite compare to that new Honeymoon phase of a relationship where you are having sex on carnival rides and back lots of holiday parties or the ever-so-boring public restroom. We strive to get back there so often that we forget that sex and intimacy can change and grow into a new kind of fun if we let it. We develop a deeper connection, spiritually and emotionally, to our partner, which can create an amazing sexual connection if we let our guard down and open ourselves up to letting someone in to that secret part of ourselves that we keep hidden. Instead, many of us are trying to recreate the Honeymoon phase. Don’t get me wrong, we should still have the occasional public bathroom romp for posterities sake!

I also believe that open relationships can sometimes be underrated. If two women share a trust and solid foundation in their relationship, visiting the idea of being open can be beneficial. SOMETIMES. But the structure of the relationship must be constructed of solid metal, meaning the foundation of trust, security and honesty must be there. And even the very conversation of having sex outside of the relationship can be enough to spark the fire again. Too often couples feel like monogamy is not a choice. When we place ourselves in a box marked “monogamous,” we want to scratch and tear our way out because we suddenly feel confined. Everything should be looked at as a choice. No one wants to feel like they have rules and regulations to follow. We want to feel that we have choice and power. And we do…even if it is just a perception.

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