Dear Lesbian Life:I live with my mother and father. My father and I at one point were very close, now all we do is try not to look at one another. I did not get to come out to them. I was found with another student in high school by a teacher. Phone calls were made.
My mother asks a lot of questions about why I am gay. I do not know what to tell her. I am not sure. I know that a lot of people say that we are born or are made that way through life events, but I do not know. As far back as I can remember I liked girls but I do not know if it was because I was born that way or not. I was raised to be a very old fashion Christian in a military family. I find that every day I fight with myself trying to make sense of it all. I do believe in one God. I fight everyday. I feel so lost.
Inside I Know Who I AmI have tried to date men but it’s never right. Inside I know who I am, but everyone keeps telling me that I cannot be me, that it’s a sin, and that I should burn in hell. I tried so hard to be what they want and I am not. I have been raised with even my father saying that I am evil. Am I? Is love not love? I know that you may not be able to help me but I am so lost. I am a shamed of myself for being me.
Did you feel this way? Am I the only one? What do I do? I want nothing more than my father’s love and to have the close bond we had once. Is it even possible?
Dear CC:Wow, you raise a lot of questions here. Ones that I cannot answer for you. But one thing I can assure you is that you are not the only one going through this. Every person who is raised in a traditional Christian household has to come to terms with their sexual orientation at religion at some point.
The Bible is a very old text that has gone through many translations. Some believe that it clearly condemns homosexuality. Others read the same book and come to the conclusion that God views all love equally.
Find a gay-friendly church in your area, such as the Metropolitian Community Church. Meet other gay and lesbian Christians and talk to them about how they reconcile their religion with being gay. Visit the Lesbian Life Forum and chat with other Christian lesbians about what you’re going through.
Eventually you will have to make up your own mind about your faith and your sexual orientation. But be sure to take in both sides of the argument so you can be fully informed when you make your decision.
Strained Relationship with FatherAs for your relationship with your father, I suggest you start to try and reconnect with him. Stop avoiding his eyes and ask him how his day was. You say you used to be close. In what way? Find a way to bring a little of that back. What you and your dad both need to understand is that you are the same person you’ve always been. Being gay or questioning your sexuality doesn’t change that. Talk to him about the books you both like to read, the sports team you both follow or what ever it is that made you close in the first place.
If you’re avoiding him, he may think that you don’t want a relationship with him. It’s clear to me that you do. Take a risk and reach out to him. You don’t have to talk about being lesbian. If you want to, there will be time for that in the future. For now, work on mending your fragile bond.